Mama Musings

...And poop on the wall

2012-02-15T09:46:00.004-06:00

Red wine, a dozen roses, steak and mashed potatoes...and a screaming baby.

Welcome to Valentine's day as a 30 year old.

I know you have probably been waiting for an update so I am happy to introduce
Halle Marie born 2-1-12 6 lbs 12 oz and 19 inches long.

She was an easy baby for approximately the first week. I think she was too tired to fuss. Now, not so much. 5 different formulas later and we aren't much closer to figuring out what her tummy troubles are. I'm thinking silent reflux and we have a doctors appointment tomorrow.

One major benefit of already having had a child is that now I don't doubt myself as much as I did with the first one. If this doctor tells me it will pass or ignores my concerns I will probably fire him.
But he seems reasonable. All we need is a little Zantac or something to try.

The c-section went great overall, the only two problems were me vomiting through the beginning of the surgery because of vagal nerve stimulation and little Halle being in the nursery/NICU for the first 24 hours because of her difficulty breathing (which is pretty common with c-sections).

The little gal looks just like me as a baby...only cuter. But I may be a wee bit biased. She is very very sweet and we are very lucky, although it will be an adjustment for all. Holden is doing very well as a big brother.

Happy belated Valentine's Day. Hope you actually got to eat your steak and drink your 4 oz. of red wine, and most of all that you spent it with the people you love the most.

2012-01-07T14:06:00.002-06:00

If you, like many, have been wondering what happened to me, I have to admit I have no good excuse for not writing in my blog...and in the event that I ay actually still have some regular readers, let me update you about what has been going on.

My sweet, beautiful boy is doing very well at daycare or "school" as I have trained him to believe it is. He calls Wednesday nights "church-school" which is also very sweet. In a stellar example of parenting a few weeks ago Tony and I were completely exhausted after work and didn't feel like taking the boy to church on Wednesday night.

He was very upset. Finally, I said, "Holden, would you rather have a dilly bar (in the freezer) or go to church-school?" I tried to bribe him OUT of going to church....
He responded, "Go to church-school."
At that point Tony went out and started the car. Do I have a great kid or what?

Everything is going well with the pregnancy, I am 36 weeks and pretty miserable but things with baby are looking good.
When I walk into the doctors office I don't have to tell them my name because they already know me. I am there twice a week for non-stress testing and amniotic fluid index testing (ultrasound). I try not to think about what it is costing me and think about baby who will be here on or before February 1, 2012.

Life is finally, thankfully settling down to a more normal existence than we've had the last few years and I am thankful for that. A new baby should make things interesting again for awhile. I will try to keep you updated.

Let's hope that at the hospital no overzealous midwives or nurses try to pressure me into breastfeeding, because I won't be.

Update

2011-12-11T15:16:00.003-06:00

I finally broke down and bought a package of ridiculously large underwear.

Pregnancy is going fine and 32 weeks already! We also have the c-section scheduled and a name picked...but I'm not telling you either. Something has to be a surprise :)

Looking forward to Christmas and spending a few days with family and friends. I am also turning 30 next week. How to celebrate in the middle of the week before Christmas?

2011-11-14T17:10:00.003-06:00

As I was working today all I wanted to do was pick up Holden from school, sit down and watch Aloha, Scooby Doo while playing toys with my sweet boy.

That is my plan for the evening. That and General Tso's chicken with fried rice.

2011-11-12T20:04:00.002-06:00

Almost 28 weeks and going strong. Work is really busy...the kind of busy where all I want to do is stumble into the house and sleep at 3:30 p.m. after picking Holden up from daycare.

He wakes up from his daycare nap at about 2:45 p.m.

My only pregnancy craving so far is coconut.

2011-10-29T13:36:00.002-05:00

At almost 26 weeks pregnant I am feeling physically really good! I had another appointment with the perinatologist and baby seems to be measuring 2 weeks small at this point.

We don't know if the dates are off or if perhaps something else is going on--but baby is very active so we'll just have to wait and see. I will continue to see the perinatologist for ultrasounds every 4 weeks for now.

Things are settling down here and we are excited for Halloween (and so is Holden!).
Can't wait to get back to see family and friends in November and December!

2011-10-15T14:46:00.000-05:00

I want to write something funny and interesting just so you don't think I quit blogging forever...but I can't think of anything to say.

Tired. Pregnant. Happy.

Yesterday I bought my son a pink and purple unicorn (because the kid wanted a unicorn and--shockingly--they don't make unicorns geared toward boys)

2011-09-19T14:49:00.001-05:00

Good news! Everything at the perinatologist looked fine. I have to go back in a few weeks for a follow up ultrasound because they couldn't get a very good view of the heart because of the baby's position, but he was not concerned about it.

Big sigh of relief.

2011-09-18T20:18:00.002-05:00

Did I mention...it's a GIRL!!

We have to see the perinatologist tomorrow for a more specialized ultrasoud, as my regular OB was a little concerned with the 20 week u/s findings.

Prayers would be appreciated, however the results of the next ultrasound turn out.

2011-09-10T09:35:00.002-05:00

"Is this heaven?"
"No, it's Iowa."
"Could have sworn it was heaven."

-Field of Dreams

Last night I had a dream that I was at a party outside of a farm Kwanset in the fall. I didn't know most of the guests but they were all sitting around in folding camping chairs and talking. I couldn't understand what they were talking about but both my Dad and Paul Newman were there.

2011-09-09T20:17:00.003-05:00

"We should really talk like this more often. I have to go, someone in this room is acting like an asshole and it isn't my kid so it's either you or me. Can you say toss-up? TOSS UP! HA!"

2011-08-20T17:40:00.000-05:00

I knew it had been awhile but didn't realize it had been a whole month since I wrote!

I cancelled my home internet and spend three hours a day commuting so that explains most of it.

I was reading an article the other day from some random women's magazine about doing things you enjoy. I found it refreshing because for some reason I always feel vaguely guilty when people talk about their hobbies that I have no interest in and would bore me to tears.
I always feel that perhaps there is some flaw that prevents me from truly enjoying scrapbooking, camping, or hiking...that if I tried these things I would like them, or that maybe I should.

But then I realized I don't have to care about snorkeling or painting or drinking.

Today I decided to just do what I like. Spend a few hours at an auction and then lie in bed with a summer beach read ALL afternoon.

I feel more like me today than I have in a long time.

And I guess it's probably time to tell you that I think I can finally feel little baby Jacobsen kicking. He or she is expected to arrive at the end of January.

(The littlest BIG reason I have been too tired to write in my blog) ;)

2011-07-16T23:33:00.004-05:00

I would be remiss if I forgot to mention the passing of my dear old dog Titus. He was a very good dog and we will miss his little bark around here.

In better news, we found another house to buy and *knock wood* will be closing on it August 18.

I have to be honest with you, it is in a *gasp* subdivision. I cannot say I am entirely comfortable with this development but it was a 6 year old house, close to work, and there are other kids around the neighborhood.

Who knows, maybe Holden will marry the girl next door.

It could happen.

2011-07-14T17:17:00.003-05:00

We have a signed purchase agreement...to close on August 18 & hope it goes well.

Sorry for the hiatus on the blogging, you will understand why very soon.

(And sorry for the cryptic blog posting).

P.S.
A question for the universe: Why is it always me who sits in a meeting next to the person who chews gum with their mouth open?

2011-07-04T15:07:00.003-05:00

Happy 4th of July! Hope all of you are having a relaxing holiday.

These last few weeks have been full of transition and a lot of driving. 2 1/2 hours per day, thankfully with my son so that I can spend that commute time with him.

We are still working on purchasing a house much closer to work as well as getting our house on the market.

After starting a new job I worry that in the last few years I have completely lost my sense of humor! I am so...serious all the time and not really sure how to recapture (some of) the youthful silliness I once had.

I am struggling a little bit with the transition. I am very happy to have the job I want but do still have moments when I wish I was home with Holden more. He is doing fine in his new "school" and loves it there so the transition has probably been more difficult for me than for him.

I don't like starting over again. New jobs, new town, new house, new church, new friends.

At almost 30 I wish I felt a little bit more settled.

2011-06-25T15:29:00.002-05:00

I've been thinking of something this week.

The first is how mountains in our lives can, over time, turn into small hills. You look back and say--I know that really sucked at the time, but I did it.

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."
Matthew 11:28-30

I don't have much to say,it is one of those weeks where things are suddenly...quiet.

RN

2011-06-14T20:50:00.003-05:00

Finally done! It's officially offical and on the state website and everything.

I start my new job as a perioperative nurse on Monday and am really looking forward to it, although I learned very little about the OR in nursing school so it should be quite interesting (and by interesting I mean stressful) for the first few months.

It's kind of a rough week this week because Father's day is coming up. We're going to head to the Ameristar buffet with Tony's family for Father's day so I can drown my sorrows in mini eclairs and cream puffs. Should be fun.

2011-06-07T12:11:00.002-05:00

I wouldn't say I have ever been a fiery, emotional type of person except perhaps occasionally as a teenager.

I probably intellectualize more than I should and sometimes I think, believe less than I should.

A little bit too cautious, one of those people who detests gambling and day-trading. Heck, I am even hesitant about bonds and mutual funds although I know that is really the only way to benefit from compound interest...but I digress.

In school we did simulations where they have this insanely expensive mannekin (that is really how it is spelled) that can do all sorts of semi-realistic things like blink, and blood pressure and pulse and such.

The simulation director sits in a separate room watching you on camera and can talk as 'the patient' through a microphone. Following this experience we were forced to watch ourselves 'perform'. I have seen myself on camera acting (as in a musical or play) but never on camera as just myself.

I guess I always shrug it off when people tell me I seem so reserved. I didn't really believe them until I saw myself interacting as myself on camera. Am I really that quiet in real life? I seem so calm, when I am often feeling high-strung and anxious.

When I saw myself, my mannersims reminded me so much of my mom.

I seemed like a totally different person than I am in my head. In my head I have so many creative ideas and opinions and I began wondering why I speak so few words.

I don't feel insecure in groups, or about my thoughts or ideas...so what could it be that keeps me so buttoned up?

Maybe that is why I enjoy blogging so much, because I can tell you...the big YOU out there what I am thinking without having to verbally express it.

Saving the parts I am not ready to tell yet, and taking the time to say exactly what I mean.

Exactly who I am right now. Or who I perceive myself to be.

2011-06-03T17:49:00.002-05:00

Holden and I were driving on 14th St. in Lincoln today and there was a Goose and her Goslings crossing the 4 lane road. I slowed down and pointed them out to Holden.

"Look Holden! The Goose is crossing the road with her babies!"

In typical toddler fashion, he said,

"Why?"

I smiled (and I really said this),

"To get to the other side!"

BWAHAHAHA! Never thought I'd get to use that one in real life.

2011-05-23T20:06:00.003-05:00

I miss my dad today.

I know this may sound totally spoiled but I miss the way that as an attorney he could fix problems with just a simple, well worded letter. The encyclopedic way he knew to call the public service commission or the attorney general's office with certain problems.

I miss my free lawyer, confidante, mentor.

As I am crying my sweet son crawls in my lap and says,

"Why are you crying mommy? Don't cry, don't cry."

I guess it's my reminder that as long as I am able from now on I am to be a free nurse, confidante, and mentor to the sweet child in my arms.
Even when he gets too big to snuggle into the crook of my arm and sweetly say,

"Don't cry mommy. You got cry on me!" He wipes his leg and his spongebob pajama pants and starts jumping on the bed again.

"We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams."

2011-05-17T08:17:00.003-05:00

I was just reading a great post from a friend and it reminded me how much courage it often takes just to be ourselves. It may have taken me awhile to get here (at almost 30 years old), but now when someone questions my decisions/abilities/strengths I am able to look them in the eye calmly and smile. I don't go home and start crying because I fear they are right. We all have our insecurities, but decision making is no longer one of mine.

On the journey I have realized that no matter what it is I am doing, I can always change it. I don't have to be stuck in one place simply because my pride tells me I should be or I feel like I should be happy there. Should is a word I have started to ignore and instead put in words like desire, motivation, determination, vocation. It's a whole lot easier to get up in the morning and get moving when you have a vision for what God has called you to do.

I think God often lets us decide how we want to get there because we learn so much more along the way than we would if we did it all the quick and easy way from the gate. Sometimes it is a 2 year plan and sometimes it is a 40 year plan.

I have so much respect for people who continually seek to be inspired & challenged beyond what has already been accomplished.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
Jeremiah 29:11-13

American Dreams

2011-05-09T19:58:00.003-05:00

Now I just have to take (and pass) the Big Test. And then I will finally, finally be a RN.

The house contract fell through. I am not upset by this. The hubby and I have since had quite a few discussions about whether we can truly afford something if we have to take out a loan on it.

The consensus was no.

*Please make note here that this is not a judgement on other's choices. I don't really care what you do. I am only commenting on my personal situation and have neither the time nor the inclination to comment on anyone's life but my own. And since this is my blog...comments solely pertain to my life.*

It wasn't a particularly happy 'no' consensus by either of us, but undeniable that the uneasy feeling I got when I signed the purchase agreement for that house was probably not a good sign. I became even more uneasy upon the *contingent upon loan approval* part, and then even more so when I saw the good faith estimate. Which is not the reason the agreement fell through and only somewhat related to the point of this post.

I am sort of coming to terms with the fact that I may not be able to live with myself living in a house that I can't pay for in cash. But oh, how I want a spacious kitchen with miles of solid surface countertops and a large marble-top island for baking. I would very much like those things.

I suppose we all make our concessions for certain aspects of our lifestyles. I have so many vices, I'm not sure it is in my best interest to add a white picket fence to the list. Maybe a cheap efficiency apartment?

Negotiation

2011-05-02T20:55:00.004-05:00

One of my nursing instructors told us today that he doesn't believe in nurse's intuition. Some nurses will say 'I just had a feeling'. He says he doesn't believe in 'that feeling' but in subtle nuances in assessment data that lead the nurse to call the MD in the middle of the night while their patient is seemingly doing fine.

Call it intuition or whatever you want but I'm feeling that way about my in-progress house purchase. Whenever I have had this gut feeling in the past it usually meant I was going the wrong direction (with the purchase, not the move to a new city--just to be clear). My realtor called me this evening to tell me our new demands based upon the home inspection might blow the deal. She tried to convince me to change my mind.

In no uncertain terms I basically said with all due respect to your hard work, when I'm spending that much money I'll make all the demands I feel necessary and to hell with the deal (if that is the case).

The secret to negotiating is to never want it too much. There are other houses, and if we don't get this one we will get a different one.
I need to reduce the stress in my life.
I'm...almost...there.

I graduate this week!!

2011-04-26T21:34:00.004-05:00

If you thought I was going to write about Easter you'd be right.

However, it's more to tell you about my trip to the E.R. (felt like an idiot--but had to go...).
I woke up at 7 ish with a migraine. I said woe is me I don't get to watch Holden find eggs etc., etc., then asked Tony to put some blankets over my windows so it wasn't quite so painful.

3 hours later my son and husband were in Lincoln at Easter and I woke up again in so much pain I was crying and very nearly throwing up. I had already taken aspirin so I knew the only thing I could really do was get to the hospital and get an antiemetic and a pain pill. But I really, really didn't want to go. Especially for a migraine.

Anyway, I am fine. A liter of fluid, zofran, phenergan, and norco and although I'm not a totally new person I am able to open my eyes and walk around. Which is more than I can say for Sunday.

We bought a house. I'm graduating next week. Tony is graduating in two weeks. Holden turned 3 last week. I've been missing Ally and my dad for two years now. Our adoption meeting is May 9th.

I. am. tired.

That is all I have for now because my child is still awake and I have to go get him to sleep.

2011-04-23T18:49:00.006-05:00

Our NEW HOUSE!!!

I know it's been awhile, but just trying to get through the last week of classes!

A clean, well lighted place

2011-04-14T22:00:00.002-05:00

"You do not understand. This is a clean and pleasant cafe. It is well lighted. The light is very good and also, now there are shadows of the leaves."
-Hemingway

I was watching part of jeopardy today (because I was sick and lying in my recliner) and I forget the final jeopardy question, but the answer was Hemingway. My favorite writing of Hemingway's was A clean, well lighted place and thus the quote.

I knew I would graduate eventually, but everytime I think about it I remember that neither of my parents will be there to see it. I don't even want a graduation party because I have so little family that will be able to come.

I am extra sensitive because Ally's birthday is next week and then three days after my graduation is the day my mom died. I can go the entire year feeling really good about things, and very little residual grief about these things, but the end of April is always always a rough time for me.

I don't need cheering up, I know that things are going really well for me right now. Good family, good job(s), graduation, etc. I guess maybe now that short period of grief is just a part of me, and that is okay.

I guess sometimes you just have to say, "No, I am not okay. But I will be."

2011-04-11T21:27:00.001-05:00

I painted all weekend while my dear husband and mother-in-law put in new countertops in our kitchen and bathroom. They look so great I almost don't want to move. Almost.

Above is a picture of my child in the 60 degree weather with a piece of drywall using it as chalk. Because it kind of is, and I couldn't convince him not to.

I found the cutest spring shoes last week for $13.00 and here is what they look like:

http://www.payless.com/store/product/detail.jsp?catId=&subCatId=&skuId=083847055&productId=69143&lotId=083847&category=&catdisplayName=Womens

2011-04-07T20:54:00.002-05:00

Have hit The Wall.

Less than one month to go and I can barely keep my eyes open. It's like that last 200 meters of a 3200 race. Unless you've run a 3200 meter race, you don't know what I'm talking about. But just trust me, it sucks.

I promise that someday I will be available again for all my friends and family who I have virtually abandoned. I will just tell you that I feel guilty but am too tired to do anything about it except write a few hundred short words on here and go to bed.

I haven't even sent out graduation invitations. But you're all invited, if you want to come.

Will write a more cohesive, informative post later.

3 posts in one day must be a record

2011-04-04T22:14:00.001-05:00

I forgot to tell you! We have our first adoption meeting in May. We are very excited, even though it is a very long process.

And we found a house we love. We haven't made an offer yet though.

2011-04-04T21:57:00.004-05:00

I started crying in the results meeting for Holden's assessment with OT, PT, speech therapy, and the school counselor...along with two other people who were somewhat official but I don't know their exact roles. Or names.

As it turns out there is nothing wrong with my dear son per say. Apparently they seem to think his lack of sleeping for three years straight is directly related to my inability to parent. Of course they beat around the bush more thoroughly by telling me that he is well above his age in speech, motor development and is a very sociable child.

Yes. I knew that, thanks.

They went on to tell me there is nothing they can do to help me with his hyperactivity and that perhaps I should seek a pediatric counselor. Or perhaps,
"Go with him to counseling and they can teach you how to deal with him."

"Have you tried a regular schedule? Music at night? Covering the windows? His babysitter says he doesn't have a problem with bright lights at her house...He seems to only have these problems with you."

Yes. Because I am his mother and I am around him all the time. I am not making these things up and spending hours having you people come into my house for fun. It is out of desperation.

So as I am crying during the meeting the school counselor says,

"You seem overwhelmed."

You think? Seems like we're back at square one.

Maybe if I play lullabye music at night...

2011-04-04T21:46:00.003-05:00

I handed my son a circus peanut in the car on the way home today and a few minutes later I heard him say,

"I'm saving it for later."

I glanced back and he was tucking it into his sock.

2011-03-27T20:46:00.005-05:00

If you thought I was going to write about my first foray into 'organized' sports in 5 years...you would be right.

I played in my alumni volleyball tournament last weekend. It was fun. Made even more fun because of the great ladies I was playing with. They were forgiving of my passing transgressions, and the fact that I can't remember how to hit right side or serve overhand or rotate properly (sometimes).

But earlier this week I was using my laundry basket as a walker because my knees hurt so badly. I'm afraid I'm going to be one of those 45 year old patients in the hospital getting a knee replacements.

And also, I got the 'formal' job offer to work in surgery! I am extremely excited because my desire to work in surgery is really the reason I went to nursing school in the first place.

My only reservation is if I ever have to have knee replacement surgery and I have it there, all my coworkers will see me naked!

It will be like that dream where you go to work and realize you are naked. Because you are!

I could never figure out how people have babies in the hospital they work in either.

Weird.

I guess I will cross those bridges when I come to them.

For now:Excited.

2011-03-21T08:57:00.003-05:00

I don't talk about this very much because most people don't want to hear it. But today I'm going to do it simply because I was just reading an article about it online at Kiplinger's magazine.

Whenever I (or we) talk to people about becoming debt free and not using credit cards this is what I hear...

"But I get cash back on my credit card purchases," and then they attempt to convince me that they are getting a good deal. So here it is for any of you that might possibly be able to be influenced about the use of rewards cards for purchases:

"The Federal Reserve Bank of Chicago looked at the spending habits of people
before and after they were enrolled in a cash-back rewards program. The study
found that spending and debt increased by $79 and $191 a month, respectively,
with an average cash-back reward of $25. And 11% of cardholders who didn't use
their cards during the three months prior to enrolling in the cash-back program
spent at least $50 in the first month of the program.".

In the interest of full disclosure I have to tell you that when we relocate I
am looking at houses we cannot afford in cash and will probably take out a
mortgage. Although 30 years sounds like an awful long time for 2,200
square feet of living space. I wonder if it's worth it?

And also, the other day my dear son took my husband's debit card out of his
wallet and was pretending to pay for something. With plastic. I'm
going to have to go back to cash-only. My lack of commitment is
manifesting itself in my child's attitude toward money.

And he isn't even three yet!

2011-03-20T16:56:00.003-05:00

You thought I would leave you with such a vague description of what is going on with my dear son? I won't, but I also won't claim to be an occupational therapist although I am interested in the profession.

He has OT/PT scheduled to come to the house on Monday so we shall see. Here are the contents of an email I sent to my husband the other day.

Sound like anyone you know?

Sensory seeking tactile symptoms may include:
• Frequently craves touch, tickles, back massages, and hugs
• May engage in self injury, such as biting, pinching, or head banging
• Need to touch and feel everything in the environment that other children understand not to touch
• Twirl hair in fingers
• Seeks activities that involve messy play
• Likes to touch soft or smooth surfaces
• Likes the feeling of objects that have vibration
• May cram food in mouth when eating
• High tolerance for heat and cold temperatures
• Prefer spicy food
• Frequently remove socks and shoes

I have no idea how it took me this long to call the doctor. I don't feel guilty, just glad that we might all feel better soon! If you want more info look up sensory integration disorder.

Although the occupational therapist hasn't seen him yet, Dr. Google has.

Hope you're having a good Sunday.

Growing Pains

2011-03-15T22:37:00.005-05:00

Whew.

My dear son officially started early intervention services with the state today. I have had several concerns about his sensory processing and hyperactivity and brought them up with his doctor who suggested the "full workup" with early childhood development, SLP (speech language pathologist), OT (occupational therapy), and PT (if needed--which he really doesn't).

When I went through the list he had a quite few in each category (sensory processing disorder and ADHD) so we'll see if I'm totally a helicopter mom and paranoid or if we will actually be helped by some sort of individual family education plan or IEP for him. Perhaps we will all get some rest in our house.

He is so sweet and I just want him to be able to get some rest. We talked about maybe having a sleep study done on him as well (wouldn't it be great if it was something that could be corrected physiologically? I find that sort of thing much easier to deal with).

On to me.

Have had several job offers. Wondering if the old adage about marriage holds true for career.

"It's just as easy to fall in love with a well paying job as a poorly paying one."

Hmmm...I'm not sure it works. Perhaps I should ask the teachers and social workers out there if this is true? Ha. All meant in jest, mostly because I know a lot of great teachers who love going to work every day. I'm not sure any of them would love a corporate job that much.

But I digress.

Only other news is that my transmission has to be rebuilt to the tune of $1800.

So to recap, decisions to make today:

Relocate, do not relocate?

Sell house, do not sell house?

Buy new car, do not buy new car?

Admit that I'm having difficulty parenting my child, or do not admit it?

Paint bathroom, or play outside? (this one is easy)

Like I said: Whew!

2011-03-10T19:32:00.002-06:00

Within the last hour I have:

Walked into the living room/kitchen and found a carton of broken eggs on the floor, my son with a bowl and a fork whipping one egg to "make eggs" for himself. It was cute, but messy.

and

Walked into the living room after aforementioned child was in bed and found my dog standing in the middle of the coffee table.

Both unrelated, but both out of the ordinary.

2011-03-08T11:18:00.002-06:00

First, I drove 45 miles to find a deserted parking lot at my school.

Should have checked the website, but the roads were clear!

Then I called my dear husband. I set out my proposed plan for the day.
Work out. Do homework. Do absolutely nothing.

Then he gently suggested that perhaps I do "some" laundry since I have the day off.

LMAO.

Great Legs

2011-03-07T15:44:00.004-06:00

Hello again.

After bragging extensively about the great side table I found for my bedroom I take it all back.

This time I found two great side tables that match! Solid oak! Look at those legs! $10 each.

And I didn't even go to the auction. After driving about 20 minutes North I decided to take a left instead of a right and go to the birthday party after all.

How many times does a loved one turn 83? And how many more birthdays are there after age 83? It was a beautiful drive and a beautiful day to be out on the farm.

Makes me want to buy one. More on that topic later.

Peanuts

2011-03-06T09:22:00.004-06:00

I have had the whole weekend to myself! Aside from feeling like a pretty bad granddaughter-in-law because my hubby and child are at my grandmother-in-law's all weekend for her birthday it has been pretty great having some time to myself where I don't have to do anything I don't feel like doing.

However, I have to tell you that I really probably should be doing laundry because this morning all I had left in my drawers were thong underwear. Which I haven't worn since before I had my dear son. I'm sure all you family members who read this really wanted to know that.

Secondly, I have to tell you about this product I found that you should try if you are so inclined. I haven't been telling you about it because they only sell it two places and I wanted to keep it all to myself.
Honey Maid S'mores cookies.
You can purchase them at Super Target or HyVee.
You're welcome.

And thirdly, I have been buying bags of circus peanuts, which may only be explainable by my family history. (And sugar addiction).

I will not do laundry today. I will not clean the house today. I will go to an auction and spend the entire day there just for the thrill of finding a good deal.

And I'll probably be wearing a thong tomorrow, too.

Two years

2011-03-04T21:52:00.003-06:00

When I first met the woman I now refer to as "my therapist" I told her a brief synopsis of my life during the first session. During the second session she started with,

"I've been thinking about your life, and I just want to ask you--do you see an end to all the stress you are currently experiencing? I mean, is there a time in the future when you can say: Yes, all this stress will be over.?"

I teared up and said,

"I wish I could say that. Maybe in two years?"

Well I'm here to tell you, the two years is almost up. And I was right. The stress did not end for the whole two years--BUT.

Only 9 short weeks left and I will be walking at graduation. Neither of my parents will be there, but my adorable son and doting husband will be sitting there cheering me on. And the following week I will be sitting in the crowd as my husband is handed his Bachelor's degree after a grueling 5 years of work for him (and me).

I had an interview this week for a position. The wonderfully kind interviewer started the conversation first with weather and then asked me if I knew the hospital at all. I vaguely said yes, I had been here with family and she said,

"I hope everything turned out well."

Hmmmm..

"It didn't, but it was a few years ago."

Not a promising start. Why don't you start off your interview telling a random stranger that after a long battle with cancer at insert hospital name here he died in 2009.

Luckily, out of the blue she started talking about how her dad had died in December of 2009.

"It was a rough year." She said as we walked onto the elevator.

"Yes, my dad died on December 7, 2009."

She looked at me,

"He must have been pretty young. How old was he?"

"53."

She knitted her brows together,

"That's how old I am."

The elevator door opened, we walked to her office and I spend an hour and a half interviewing for the position.

They offered me the job today.

2011-02-28T08:32:00.003-06:00

I don't know if you've read enough news stories about this so I will say it. The job market is brutal right now. Painful. Especially for someone who intentionally took herself out of the job market to stay home with her child.

Which I certainly don't regret, but I had no idea it would be quite like this.

But I don't graduate until May and won't take boards until June so I have time. And I also don't really absolutely need a job to put food on the table so that makes it a little better.

Top pic, frog and gnome in the winter. I keep them close to the house because it is cold.

Below, animal in the ditch by our house...

Spring? You must be close. The birds were even singing this morning.

Happy Valentines Day

2011-02-15T21:48:00.004-06:00

Maybe you thought I fell off the face of the earth. But I didn't. I almost did and then I realized I graduate in May! So I'm still hanging on...On the edge but still hanging on.

The first thing my favorite instructor said to us on day one of her class:

"I want you to write down the three most important things to you."

I did.

"Now I want you to cross off one of those things. The less important one."

I did.

"That is going to be your life for the next two years."

In other words: You better get good at time management.

She was not exaggerating. Besides the fact that the woman knows her stuff, (I mean nursing, medical, etc.) I respect her because she was honest about what to expect.

And for once, my dear friends and family--

The light at the end of that tunnel is not an oncoming train.

Also, our first meeting for starting our adoption process is in May or July. We are excited to see what God has in store for us in the coming year!

"And in the morning, I'm making waffles!"

2011-02-05T17:33:00.001-06:00

The bedroom decorating is finally coming along...yesterday I found this lamp and table for a total of $6, took off the doors of the cabinet and painted the teal blue on the lamp & added a lampshade I had in the basement.

Then today I went to an auction and found 2 (!) white Morgan Jones hobnail chenille bedspreads for $35 ($17.50 each is a great price!) . I have been searching for a white chenille bedspread for five years...so you can imagine my excitement when I found two today!

I am sure there is plenty more to tell you but I am watching the last Shrek movie for the first time. My Saturday nights are exciting these days, as you can tell. I am sitting here writing about a blanket, a children's movie...and oh, I forgot!

At the auction I also bought a Belgian waffle maker and my dear husband is making Belgian waffles, eggs, and bacon for dinner. Mmmmmm.....

2011-02-01T20:33:00.002-06:00

I have to apologize for my blog neglect these days. I am snowed in today so I actually have a little time to do whatever I want. And my kid went to sleep relatively easily and quickly this evening to boot!
But I think I am a little too lazy today to actually write anything on here...
I'll be back again soon, I promise!

To infinity and beyond

2011-01-26T10:37:00.002-06:00

He has started pretend play and it makes my heart smile. I love this kid so much.

He lives in a pineapple under the sea...

2011-01-25T17:33:00.004-06:00

and I think you all know who I am talking about. I'm not sure exactly how he does it, but that little yellow talking sponge has mass appeal. I was talking to my dear husband the other day and he was like,
"I really like Spongebob." I laughed and said,
"Me too!" Who'd have thought the only TV show our entire family has ever agreed upon simultaneously would be about a yellow sponge?
Even my father-in-law watches the show.

I just don't have time to go into any real detail about my life because I am browning some hamburger. Please be patient with me and keep checking and I will post again soon!

2011-01-16T14:05:00.002-06:00

A few things I never thought I would do.

1) Burn fish sticks. It's hard to mess up fish sticks. But when the fire alarm started going off from all the smoke I seriously thought it was just my dirty oven causing the smoke. Not the burned fish sticks.

2) Consider belly dancing lessons. Saw a belly dancing demo and it was cool. However, there is not a belly dancing studio in or near my village. Yes, village.

3) Consider pole dancing lessons. See #2.

I'm gearing up for another busy semester. Hope you all have a great week!

Baked Alaska

2011-01-08T20:15:00.005-06:00

I just spent a very long day with my son. It was nice, as it usually is...but exhausting. He doesn't nap and he spent the last hour and a half talking. I mean we were lying in the dark, and he literally did not stop talking until I threatened to leave the room and shut the door.

What does a two year old have to say for an hour and a half? He talked about catching bugs in a net, and trains, and car washes, washing machines, his new 'catepillar dumper truck' and the snow. He talked about his aunts and uncles and cousins and daddy (who incidentally was at work still at 8:00 p.m.). It's hard to think of anything we didn't talk about. The uses of cars, refrigerators, and the oven. Which happens to be the reason I am writing this blog post.

He started talking about the oven and how he was going to use the oven and I reminded him that only Mommy and Daddy use the oven. I asked,

"What does the oven do?"
he said brightly,
"It makes food. It makes ice cream and I eat a little bit."

I thought he was confused and I said,

"No, you're thinking of the refrigerator. The oven is hot, it doesn't have ice cream in it."

And then I remembered.

Tony made Baked Alaska last week.

I keep trying to correct the kid but he always seems to be right.

Wonder who he gets that from?

Blinkered

2011-01-07T09:26:00.005-06:00

For the first time, I took Holden to the store to buy himself a toy with the money he had saved in his piggy bank. He chose an 'Island of Sodor' mega blocks kit that he had been begging for and we brought it home. For two days he kept calling the little helicopter "Arrow." When it's actual name is Harold.
We kept correcting him.

"No, it's Harold. HHHHarold." We tried to correct him.

He would look at us and say brightly,

"Arrowd!"

He is pretty great at language for his age so I was stumped as to why he wouldn't say it right.
And then I realized that on the movie(s) of Thomas the train, the voice over is in a British accent.

So Holden is thinking we are crazy for calling the helicopter Harold when his actual name is pronounced
Arrowd!

Yum.

2010-12-30T18:43:00.006-06:00

I went to the doctor yesterday and told her,

"I think I have a sinus infection. Gross mucus, pain in the face." And gestured to my face. She nodded. Not bored, really, but same old story.

"And my cheek inside my mouth hurts. Please look at it."

I think she thought I was being overly dramatic. I have a tendency to be a hypochondriac.

"Did you bite your cheek?"

"No. I think that is from my sinuses. My jaw hurts too. Kinda weird."

"Hmmm. It's been awhile since you've taken anything. I'm going to put you on something stronger."

"So is it from my sinuses then?"

"You definitely have an infection."

Now I can't remember where I was going with that story. But my face hurts.

So I'll post what I meant to post in the first place.

The Most Wonderful Recipe For Corn Casserole You Will Ever Eat
(A.K.A. Corn Casserole Paula Deen style)
(A.K.A. You may as well just eat the stick of butter)
(A.K.A. Holy Hell No Wonder You've Gained Weight Kara!)

1 (15 1/4-ounce) can whole kernel corn, drained
1 (14 3/4-ounce) can cream-style corn
1 (8-ounce) package corn muffin mix (recommended: Jiffy)
1 cup sour cream
1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, melted
1 to 1 1/2 cups shredded Cheddar
Directions
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

In a large bowl, stir together the 2 cans of corn, corn muffin mix, sour cream, and melted butter. Pour into a greased 9 by 13-inch casserole dish. Bake for 45 minutes, or until golden brown. Remove from oven and top with Cheddar. Return to oven for 5 to 10 minutes, or until cheese is melted. Let stand for at least 5 minutes and then serve warm.

2010-12-30T10:36:00.000-06:00

Maybe If You Just Relax: Evelyn and Ainsley.

My cup runneth over

2010-12-22T20:53:00.003-06:00

"Dear Jesus,
Thank you (for) reindeer. Thank you cousins. Aunts, Uncles. Thank you mommy daddy.
Amen."

2010-12-22T16:48:00.001-06:00

A season of sweetness

2010-12-22T00:13:00.003-06:00

I was really planning on fixing that train tunnel.

But I decided to drink margaritas instead.

I know, good mother/Santa elf huh? In my defense it was my birthday today so I did kind of have an excuse, although by the time I left the restaurant I could barely fit into my pants. I'm not used to drinking calorie-laden drinks on top of a large meal.

But it was delicious.

Speaking of calorie-laden...I managed to bake some pretty fantastic sugar cookies with my aunt's not-so-secret-anymore recipe (see below), and tomorrow am going to tackle frosting.

I use a bag to pipe on the frosting because I think it looks better, but as I was shopping at Wal-Mart at 9 p.m. last night I decided I didn't need to use any food coloring and instead bought colored sprinkles and white frosting.

I don't know if it is a case of work smarter not harder...or weariness from all the Christmas joy I have been spreading lately.

Perhaps both.

Speaking of spreading Christmas joy, I found my dear son in his room peeing into his large toy combine yesterday.

Christmas goodies

2010-12-20T08:16:00.003-06:00

Holden wants a train tunnel for Christmas. This one is approximately $7 online. This is what I want his train tunnel to look like. Why didn't I order this one, you ask? I'm not really sure except I think he would break it within the first 10 minutes of owning it.
This is what our train tunnel actually looks like. My husband constructed it and did a good job but I am struggling with how to make it look like a mountain tunnel. I understand I have an almost-three year old and he doesn't care. The mountain tunnel thing is probably more for me than for him...

Christmas fun!

I'm also thinking about making my two all-time favorite recipes this week:

The best part about the recipe is that it's written in my mom's handwriting.

Bavarian Mints

1 lb milk chocolate

1 square baking chocolate

1 can sweetened condensed milk

1 tsp. butter

1 tsp vanilla

5-8 drops peppermint oil

Melt chocolate and butter in double boiler over med. heat. Stir chocolate. Warm a glass bowl and add chocolate, sweetened condensed milk, vanilla, and peppermint oil in warm bowl. Mix medium speed 2 minutes. Cover and refrigerate for 1/2 hour taking out every 10 min. and beat on high speed for 1 minute. Line pan with wax paper and spread in pan. Refrigerate and cut in small squares.

And recipe from my aunt:

No Fail Cut Out Sugar Cookies

1 C. butter

2 C. Sugar

2 eggs

1/2 C. Sour cream

1 tsp. vanilla

5 C. flour

1 tsp. baking powder

1 tsp. baking soda

1/2 tsp. salt

1 tsp. almond extract

Preheat oven to 375 F. Cream butter and sugar. Add eggs, sour cream and extracts. Combine dry ingredients in a medium bowl. Add to butter mixture about 1 cup at a time. Roll out dough on well floured surface (remember to flour top of dough before rolling). Roll to desired thickness. Cut and place on cookie sheet. Bake 8-10 minutes or until golden brown.

You should double this recipe when you make it because people will eat soooo many of these!

2010-12-15T20:16:00.004-06:00

I don't get what all the fuss is about. What is it about turning 30 that gets people so worked up? If you have spent your time doing things you cared about and enjoyed your life, who cares if you're getting older?

At least until age 32-33 which is considered the time when women are their most attractive (at least according to the studies I have seen). So I figure I have at least a few more good years in me before my boobs hit my waistline.

If you know me and you do the math, you may wonder why I am even posting about turning 30. I am only twenty-nine next week.

I have no good reason, I was just thinking about it. And I hadn't posted in awhile.

Also, I am suddenly completely allergic to all eye makeup. Ideas? Help!

2010-12-09T16:37:00.000-06:00

I have been working on a few anxiety issues. I know that it is out of control because I am fairly certain other people don't avoid letting their children wear hooded sweatshirts when they are away from home.

The anxious thoughts go something like this...if I am not there to watch him closely he could accidentally hang himself.

I also don't like it when he eats anything...hard because I am terrified he will choke.

I am aware this catastrophic thinking isn't normal and sometimes it is not fun to be in my head. But yesterday everytime I had a thought (like Tony and Holden getting into a car accident) I replaced it with repeating to myself 'I am blessed'.

And also decided last week that psychotherapy is probably a good idea. Maybe have a little PTSD.

On a much lighter note, I am done with my semester today! I am so ready for Christmas festivities.

I went to walmart today with Holden and the Salvation army bell ringer had brought his own tiny radio. He was playing polka music. It made me smile.

I wrote this from my phone so if its seems disjointed that is why.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

2010-12-01T22:44:00.003-06:00

One. more. week.

And then all the craziness stops.

The mental health nursing rotation is over.

The running around.

The insane extended family issues.

I know what you're thinking...It's only the beginning of December--the running around and multiple family members have only just begun working at unraveling your sanity.

But I refuse to participate. I'm going to sit this one out like an awkward sixth grade girl who pretends she has menstrual cramps to get out of gym class.

I'm going to show up to my (and my in-laws) family events, toast one glass of white wine to the sugared-up masses and keep my cool throughout the holidays.

No gift? I'll give cash.

Blizzard outside? I have a crackling yule log DVD I'll pop in the DVD player.

Car inexplicably overheating in 7 degree weather? No problem, I'll just add some antifreeze and 5W-30 oil, because clearly the oil isn't viscous enough and is causing the engine to work too hard in the cold.

Office Christmas party? Sorry, couldn't find a babysitter.

Can't fit in my jeans? I'll wear yoga pants.

And when I have more time you and I will have a hearty chuckle about the pipe under my kitchen sink literally exploding on Thanksgiving morning while my hubby and I (and my sister-in-law) were preparing the meal.

It was really fun.

Tongue-in-Cheek

2010-11-27T21:56:00.003-06:00

A little conversational gem from my Thanksgiving dinner,

"Feed your baby garlic and you can always find him in the dark."

My great-grandmother (who had 9 children) used to say it and my grandmother passed it on to me.

I guess you'd have to have had a sense of humor taking care of 9 children in the 1930's.

2010-11-25T07:34:00.004-06:00

Watching The Grinch

1st ever cheesecake. Not so good. Not bad, but not good either. Apparently when it looks done--it's overdone. I'll have to remember that for next year. And also figure out how to cut it without it looking like Holden cut it. It is also currently located on top of the car in the garage.

Yum.

Day before Thanksgiving just-in-case turkey. We cut up the meat so we would have extra for the big Turkey day and I have another one brining in a 5 gallon bucket in the garage, ready to be slathered in canola oil and baked for a few hours. I'm taking credit but my husband really did most of the work on the turkeys. I did make homemade vegetable stock for the brine though.

I'm looking forward to this Thanksgiving. My 2009 Thanksgiving meal was a piece of chocolate cheesecake next to my dad's bed, so I'm ready for some turkey and mashed potatoes.

I'm also thinking of going to the new Harry Potter movie tonight.

Two turkeys and a ham walked into a bar...

2010-11-22T07:21:00.003-06:00

Is it wrong that this morning at 6:10 a.m. when my cat walked into the kitchen and vomited on the floor I waited a couple minutes to clean it up to see if the dogs would eat it?

I know, gross.

On Saturday I found another cake stand for $4. Tony asked me why I keep buying cake stands and I told him it's because then I will have plenty when I open my bakery. And also, it fills the space above my kitchen cabinets with pretty things.

I am in charge of the basics of Thanksgiving this year so my fridge is filled to the brim with 2 turkeys and a ham. Don't ask on the two turkeys thing...it wasn't well thought out. I did buy a cool digital thermometer that you can set to the desired internal temperature and it will beep. Haven't quite figured out how I'm going to use it for two turkeys at the same time. Also, my search for fresh sage has been futile, so if you know where I can find some let me know.

The last thing you should see before I go clean my entire house is this website for pumpkin cheesecake

Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas (again)

2010-11-18T19:21:00.000-06:00

My newest frenemy is a half gallon bucket of white chocolate macadamia nut cookie dough my mother-in-law gave us for free a couple weeks ago.

I am almost through the semester and I expect things to settle down in approximately 3 weeks. I have been so desperately craving sunlight lately that I went and tanned. That is clearly not a healthy solution so I'm thinking of buying a light box. Do any of you have them? Do they work?

Curious as to what is at the top of my Christmas list this year? A new will and testament and revokable trust. I'm pretty damn exciting, huh?
Tony's Christmas list isn't much better.

I feel so grown up. It's like when you're a teenager and you say you'll never become "the man" but somehow most of us eventually do.

2010-11-15T08:23:00.002-06:00

I'm curious as to why when people who don't have fertility problems talk about how they want another child no one tells them to,

'Just be happy with what you have'.

Maybe happiness with the child I have is the reason I want another one. Of course if you read my blog you already know better than to say ignorant things to people regarding fertility and pregnancy. Right?

Right.

Blah-g

2010-11-07T22:36:00.003-06:00

I used to always tell people fall is my favorite time of year. I think I even told you that recently.

Upon further reflection, I'm pretty sure I was wrong. Is it possible to be wrong about your own favorite season? Fall used to be my favorite season. The football, the chill in the air, the crisp leaves and the colors.

But now ringing (true) in my ears are my therapist's words from last year about seasonal affective disorder and her suggestion that I consider buying daylight spectrum lights for my house. Because it might make me feel better.

I think it might.

Now before you go telling me you can't cure depression with daylight spectrum lights I have to tell you it's more of a funk than depression. I think it's more related to exhaustion than any actual chemical imbalance.

So perhaps 10-12 hours of sleep and then 12-14 hours of daylight spectrum light would help.

I think I can pinpoint the year that fall dropped off the top of my favorite list. It was fall 2002. I have just been hanging on with the hope that it will climb back to the top. I think I am finally willing to concede that my favorite season is now officially summer.

My reasoning:
1) It is the sunniest of all the seasons
2) It is my husband's favorite season and therefore best mood(s)
3) No one I love (besides a dog) has died in the summer.

As an aside...Do you think perhaps this change in love of seasons is sort of like everything in marriage? At some point things start to merge the longer you are together, even down to your looks?

2010-11-02T09:25:00.001-05:00

School is sucking all the inspiration out of me.

I keep hoping my writers block will un-block but no such luck. I spent all day yesterday writing about 6000 words and preparing two presentations and am still not done with my homework. I literally had to quit typing because my left pinkie finger went numb.

I have to finish that 6000 word project, write two papers, and study for a test today.

I'm not a fan of busywork.

And Holden was awake last night until 11:30.

I have forbidden him from eating any more of his Halloween candy.

2010-10-31T14:25:00.000-05:00

More Halloween fun to come...I promise I will post soon!

2010-10-27T20:25:00.003-05:00

So today my child broke a flat screen TV. It gets worse: The TV wasn't ours!

I have a gracious friend/babysitter who didn't freak out (at least not to us) about it, but we're still obviously buying them a new TV.

I'm not really sure what to say to Holden about the TV incident. I don't think he really understood that when he hit the TV, it would break.

So it was an unpleasant surprise for all.

I've just been reminding him that we don't ever touch the TV with anything.
And that I know he didn't mean to break it on purpose but we have to be careful.

The poor kid couldn't stop talking about it when he was supposed to be going to sleep.
I want him to feel a little guilty but not to lose sleep over it!

It's only a few (ouch) hundred dollars.

2010-10-25T18:10:00.002-05:00

I don't have much to say except this:

Pumpkin Gooey Butter Cake.

Meditations

2010-10-18T08:37:00.003-05:00

I am reading a tiny book called 'Mothers' Manual' given to me by a friend of my mother-in-law when I was in the hospital after I had Allison. She had lost a 5 year old son years before and sent me a book of prayer & meditation. I found it the other day while I was looking through the box of Ally's things.

(a few of the meditations in the back of the prayer book)

"Cheerfulness and self-control on my part...These may mean much to the emotional well-being and proper development of my child."

"My home...It is highly important that I endeavor to make it an attractive, cheerful place for my husband and my children."

"My husband's job of providing and managing family affairs may be vexing and worrisome. The home as an attractive place when he returns from work...My readiness to share his concerns...Words of encouragement--and of praise at times...The tenderness of understanding and wifely affection when he is worried or discouraged."

It would be easy to write some of these off,

"The attractiveness of my person--even inside the home...In the morning--before my husband leaves for work...a nourishing breakfast according to his preferences? My appearance in serving it...attractive? And cheerful? When my husband returns from work, an attractive, pleasant appearance on my part can mean much."

But for some reason I really became unsettled about all this. Because maybe I am more conservative/traditional than I thought. I can see a ring of truth to this. Perhaps it needs to be slightly modified for modern day...but I see it.

Maybe the shift in society from these traditional ideas (and certainly I wasn't raised this way--both parents worked and were exhausted when we were all together) has a lot to do with the dwindling family unit. I'm obviously not a sociologist. I don't spend much time thinking about it, aside from the Focus on the Family newsletters I occasionally get in my inbox.

But I'm starting to think maybe I have missed something. Something big.

Even as a stay-at-home mother I wasn't (am not) putting enough value on it within my own life.

I guess I've just never read a job description quite like this before.

Joy is steadfast in sorrow.

2010-10-16T17:08:00.003-05:00

One year ago today

Today I spent the day alone. I shopped, ate, and drove in the beautiful weather.
I started thinking about last year at this time.

As it has in the past, it occurred to me just how closely God walked with me through last year. There is no way I would have been able to do any of it on my own. I was thinking about how I used to drive to the hospital 4-6 days a week with an 18 month old, attend school/clinical 3 days a week, take care of my child, house and dogs, and about my husband working full-time and going to school full-time. I got to thinking about the people who helped us through it--who are still helping us through.
I am so blessed.

I know by now I shouldn't be surprised at the Lord's faithfulness, but sometimes I still am.

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

2010-10-13T23:17:00.002-05:00

5/8ths of the way done! Only a semester and a half left...

After I finished my final this morning I drove about 300 miles picking up and distributing 640 lbs. of frozen beef.

I think I pulled a muscle.

The good news is I have 80 lbs. of assorted beef products in my freezer. However, I have a problem with meat products that are in their original form (you know how sometimes if you order fried catfish they just dip the whole thing in the fryer--head and all? That sort of thing).

I just realized how often this happens to me: Shrimp, or nearly any seafood. Even when fish skins are left on it bothers me. Chicken can sometimes do it--the wings and drumsticks. And TURKEY!!

I prefer eating turkey sandwiches the day after Thanksgiving.

I could do without the whole bird in the oven thing.

Not that any of those has actually stopped me from eating a meal. Except the catfish thing, I really couldn't eat the catfish.

My 300 mile trip today was mostly on an empty highway through farm ground and everywhere I looked the farmers were harvesting corn. It was 70 degrees and sunny. I love fall.

October Love

2010-10-08T22:29:00.005-05:00

I am thisclose to being done with (what I think will be) the most difficult part of school for this year. Final on Wednesday. Woo Hoo!

Today I went in to see my hairdresser and said,

"I want it dark."

She raised her eyebrows,

"How dark?"

I smiled,

"Halloween dark."

She started laughing,

"Did you say halloween dark?"

See? I do have a sense of humor...sometimes.

So I was sitting in her chair with foil in my hair trying to read Elle Decor (which is pretty good by the way) with techno music blaring in the background, and all of a sudden Whitney Houston's version of I will always love you comes on as a music video.

So I'm thinking, that's weird--techno to Whitney Houston and all of a sudden it turns into a techno mix.

It was as bad as you can imagine.

You are the best thing that's ever been mine

2010-10-07T19:27:00.001-05:00

2010-10-03T15:53:00.004-05:00

My entire life I have never had a hobby. First I was too busy with sports, and then too busy with school, and then Holden came along and I was too busy for anything.

But now that he is a little older I have found something I love to do. I don't know if it came from my parents or if it's something I would have loved to do anyway.

When I was a kid, our family vacations consisted of driving across the country to antique stores and auctions looking for antiques. I don't like the same kind of antiques they did, but I certainly love going to auctions. It's the perfect hobby for someone who is cheap and loves vintage (read: old stuff. And as a bonus, nearly every farm auction I attend has Pyrex glassware which is my favorite thing to find (and use!).

Holden and I went to one yesterday and found some cool rectangular shaped ones (right side of picture).

Red Rum

2010-10-03T01:18:00.004-05:00

I'm not sure how I always find myself in creepy hotels...but I forgot to tell you that last weekend it happened again.

Let me paint you a picture:
Industrial Area
Kansas City, MO.
We walk into the hotel and everything seems okay at first. The furnishings are an ultra modern style but obviously dated (maybe 1990's?). The paintings on the wall are modern and vaguely disconcerting for some reason I can't quite put my finger on.

We check in.

We walk around the corner to the elevator and I start to feel unsettled. There is no one in this hotel. I mean literally no one.

The hallways felt very much like The Shining.

Of course, we were there with friends for a football game the next day so the other two couples we were with were staying on the same floor (6th floor).

We get in the elevator. It doesn't really work properly, which I wasn't terribly concerned about but things still just seem off.

We unlock our room and it is sort of nice, although the bathroom seems like it was remodeled with scraps. It was odd, but at least it was clean with no evidence of bedbugs.
We went down to the lounge to have drinks and found what were perhaps the only other guests in the hotel--a group of about 6 people. One of whom had a nice mullet.

Went back to our room. It was very, very quiet--which was actually a nice change from most hotels I have stayed in. I was feeling okay about the whole situation, until we got up the next morning to check out and have the continental breakfast.

The desk attendant let us know that breakfast was served at 7 a.m. and waved toward a long hallway. We wandered quite a ways down a deserted hallway, past a closed restaurant (which was actually physically dusty, chairs on tables, dark, etc.) into a small room where they had set up a coffee machine and strangely enough...an omelet station with a "chef" taking orders.

I eschewed breakfast and coffee and started back down the winding hallway to the car. On the way I couldn't help but peek into the ballroom of the 'convention center' where it was dark--but I could see messy, overturned tables. At that point I had that somewhat familiar gut feeling that I should get the hell out of there.

Turned, and walked out the door.

I honestly don't have any particular complaint about the place. Just a strange uneasiness when I think about it.

Next time we're staying at the Plaza.

2010-10-01T22:39:00.003-05:00

An acquaintance, having a short conversation with me, says,

"So when are you going to have another one?" Gesturing to my dear son.

Although I feel like they punched me in the gut, I smile and say lightly (and vaguely),

"We're not sure yet. Maybe when Holden is a little older."

When what I'd really like to say is this:

"I just had a kid last year. A kid that you don't see here because she is dead."

How do you think they would respond to that? *awkward silence*

On that light note, I will say I am at the point of considering trying to get pregnant again.

I said considering. I'm certainly not announcing anything--there is such a long leap from considering to trying. Based upon the beginning of this post, perhaps I'm not quite ready.

Maybe someday, when Holden is a little older.

Harvest Moon

2010-09-30T22:41:00.004-05:00

I am not a proponent of co-sleeping. Not at all. I like my space. Given a choice between sleeping by myself and with my husband, I choose by myself.
I know it probably sounds weird to some of you.

A shared bed does not a good marriage make (at least my personal opinion and I am qualified because I have a good marriage).
Sleep, on the other hand--I'd be willing to vote for. Two well rested individuals get along much better than two sleep deprived ones. And they also have more energy for...other things.

But that isn't even the topic I meant to discuss...

As many of you know, Holden has never been a good sleeper.

Please don't tell me about your kid who slept through the night at 6 weeks old.

There is nothing worse you can do to someone who hasn't slept much in 2 1/2 years than look incredulously at them when they tell you their sleep woes and say something like that.

It doesn't help. Not helpful.

Or maybe you thought about giving them advice about your "tricks" to get the kid to sleep? Because they haven't tried everything under the moon?

Also not a good idea.

Anyway, off the soapbox and back on the couch. Holden was really sick this week and had bronchiolitis and was croup-y with some stridor (upper airway swelling). It was not fun and in order to listen for him at night I let him sleep with me in bed.

And now I'm afraid I may have altered my entire sleeping life until the kid is in third grade. He would rather cry most of the night than sleep alone in his room.

PS. Last day of September! Woo Hoo!!

2010-09-24T18:40:00.003-05:00

Okay, two things.

1. Yesterday I went the entire day with one of those size stickers on the back of my pants (because they were new and I was too lazy to wash them first). It was pretty high up on my butt and I was wearing a long scrub jacket, but still.

At least someone told me, finally.

Maybe no one else noticed, but I seriously doubt that.

2. Today I went to the gym after class and noticed in the locker room that I had been wearing my pants backward all day. I thought they didn't look right in the mirror this morning but was wearing waaaay too baggy black lounge pants because my abdomen still hurts from surgery...

Did I tell you I had a laparoscopy a little over a week ago? But I digress.

I think some long hard sleep is definitely in my future.

And tomorrow I'm going to put my pants on correctly.

2010-09-21T20:18:00.002-05:00

You may have already noticed this about me, but I'm a little bit of a perfectionist. That is probably why I tend to point out personal flaws on my blog...because I'm my own worst critic.

I am the kind of student my husband hates. If we were in the same class in school he would roll his eyes at me. I answer questions in class. I hate to not understand something. I like knowing the answer before the question is asked.

Sometimes I have to remind my dear husband that if I don't know something I could kill someone...It's not like the 8:00 a.m. freshman psych class I think I only actually attended about 3 times. It's like real life. It's someone's mom or dad or sister or brother or child. Which makes it more stressful, but I suppose more rewarding in a way.

I think for me learning good patient care might be something I needed to wait to do until I was older. In this way I am glad that I am closer to 30 and still in school.

I have a different perspective now because it was my dad in the ICU bed for 9 months. It was me holding my still-warm stillborn daughter Allison in my arms (by the way all you healthcare workers who read this--they put me back in labor and delivery afterward--what the hell were they thinking?) , it was me visiting my mom in a locked psychiatric ward when I was in 7th grade.

You can't teach empathy and compassion like that.

I'm starting to believe it can only truly be learned in the most heart wrenching way.

Experience.

2010-09-17T17:36:00.002-05:00

The full size comforter I bought (on clearance!) for $30 today at Wal-Mart showed a big Mickey Mouse on the front of the package...and as I took it off the shelf I smiled at my stroke of luck.

Holden will love it.

I got it home and (I'm pretty sure this isn't normal) was absolutely delighted to open it up and see that not only does it have Mickey Mouse on it, Donald Duck and Goofy are there too!

I seriously need to get out more.

2010-09-15T18:08:00.005-05:00

I have always loathed September. And loathe isn't too strong a word. September is second to the bottom of my list (January being my most hated month).

The good news is we're halfway to October. I love October!

I don't have much else to say really. I'm sorry I have been largely absent, but my yearly September depression has set in.

A few things that cheer me:

Fresh peach cobbler. Warm peach cobbler with soft serve vanilla ice cream.

Listening to Holden praying. Thanking Jesus for marshmallows, doggies, and mowers.

Holden's two favorite books, read every night before bed.

Being in my husbands arms.

Corn almost ready for harvest across the road.

Cool mornings.

2010-09-08T20:14:00.002-05:00

The counselor I went to see (quite awhile ago now) told me that this summer and fall might get progressively worse emotionally before they get better (instead of better gradually and continually--which is what happened when my mom died).

She was right.

I am struggling in my clinicals--though not academically or practically...just emotionally. I think I'm burned out, but don't know how that is possible when I'm not even working as a nurse yet.

I'm too emotional. Things that never affected me before affect me now.

All I want is to get off the floor and work somewhere happy and not too stressful. Like mother/baby or in the nursery. Or surgery, where the procedure is done and then the patient is gone. Or same day surgery where relatively healthy people walk in and right back out a few hours later.

Anywhere but somewhere I have to delve into medical histories and personal histories and try to manage everyone else's problems along with my own emotions for 12 hours. Or spoon feed people who are never going to get better and die in an institution.

It's depressing the hell out of me.

I guess I just didn't realize how much those 9 months on the other side of the hospital room door as family and caregiver affected me. Now every time I walk onto the floor of the hospital I have to work to distract myself from thinking of my dad.

2010-09-03T21:42:00.004-05:00

I am currently online streaming my husband doing color commentary for a football game. Which, if you know him you would know is pretty much his dream internship. Talking about football for 4 hours straight.

Three other things:

1) I had the night to myself and went to work out (good), but then went to Wal-Mart (Not good. Not relaxing. Not where I want to be on a Friday night).

2) As I was standing in line I passed over Cosmopolitan to look at Better Homes and Gardens.

Whenever I try to convince myself I don't feel a day older than 22...something like this happens.

Although, if you can believe this I did learn from the Cosmo cover that pubic hair is back in style.

Just thought you might want to know. For further opinion on the subject click here

Why would the editors put that on the cover of their magazine?

3) I've been awake since 3 a.m. for clinicals and I couldn't figure out why people kept looking at me in Wal-Mart. Maybe it's the mascara smudged underneath my eyes. Or my t-shirt with a clorox stain that I work out in. I think I have something stuck to my butt too. Something I sat in, probably something Holden left on the kitchen chair.

2010-08-27T23:15:00.004-05:00

I attended the wedding reception of my oldest friend today. We only see each other about once a year now, but met when we were four years old.

Her mother used to babysit me, and we bonded immediately because we were the only girls in the house and both thumb-suckers until at least age 7.

I found myself more emotional at this wedding than I have been at any I have ever attended.

Maybe it's the passage of time, maybe it was my stunning redheaded friend standing in front of me in a sparkling white dress. Maybe it's remembering all the times we used to take pillowcases, put them over our hair, walk down a fake aisle and pretend to be brides...mothers...wives.

I'm getting all weepy just typing it.

This morning in the car I was listening to the Focus on the Family broadcast--they were celebrating Jim and Shirley's 50th anniversary. They played a clip of the prayer said (by Dr. Dobson's father) at Dr. Dobson's wedding,
and I just wanted to post it because, well, I'm feeling pretty sentimental.

O eternal God: We bring Thee our children, They were Thine but Thou in love didst lend them to us for a little season: to care for, to love and to cherish. It has been a labor of love and has seemed but a few days because of the affection we bear them. Fresh from Thy hand they were, in the morning of our lives. Clean and upright, but yet two separate personalities. Tonight we give them back to Thee–no longer as two–but as one flesh. May nothing short of death dissolve the union here cemented. And to this end let the marvelous grace of God do its perfect work!

It is also our earnest prayer for them, not that God shall have a part in their lives, but that He shall have the preeminent part; not that they shall possess faith, but that faith shall fully possess them both; that in a materialistic world they shall not lie for the earthly and temporal alone, but that they shall be enabled to lay hold on that which is spiritual and eternal.

Let their lives together be like the course of the sun: rising in strength, going forth in power and shining more and more unto the perfect day. Let the end of their lives resemble the setting of the sun: going down in a sea of glory, only to shine on undimmed in the firmament of a better world than this.

In the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.

To listen to Friday's Family Talk broadcast:

http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/family-talk/

Static

2010-08-23T08:44:00.003-05:00

I've been debating with myself over whether to post this or not, but I have to comment. I just have to.

I was having a conversation with someone the other night, and this person said (to paraphrase),

'I don't see the point in having a 10 year reunion because no one has changed at all except the expected changes anyway. I know I haven't changed at all.'

I think there were three people sitting in the conversation. No one responded. I'm not sure if the mutual silence was recoil or if the other people were in agreement with this (apparently stunted) individual. It took me a minute to regain my voice, but then I tried to gracefully and tactfully respond that I couldn't think of anything that hadn't changed in my life.

I find myself replaying this conversation and feeling vaguely sorry for this person right now.

But this blog isn't about other people, it's about me. And it's about how the one thing I took away from this weekend is that as I've grown up I have learned and I hope many others have too...I have never felt regret for being kind to people.

And really kind.

Not just to their face, in your head too. Wish them well, be interested in their lives. Other people's successes are not your failures. Most people are just like you, trying to get by.

It is totally worth the extra effort.

But I'm not gonna lie, I'm not planning another reunion. Ever again. Or if you want the unedited version directly from my brain:

When hell freezes over.

2010-08-22T12:58:00.003-05:00

So here are a few of the great pics from last night! This is K and I at the Starlite lounge. K is my friend who watches Holden 2-3 days a week and he loves her. She also helped get me through last year with her encouraging emails. I really don't know how I would have made it through otherwise. It seems like everytime I was down and totally exhausted I would receive an uplifting email from her, telling me she was praying for me. I totally don't have her permission to post her picture, but she looks great here so I don't think she will care.

My wonderful husband happens to have graduated in the same class as me.

No we did not date in high school.

This 28 year old isn't used to 3 a.m. two nights in a row.

I'm ready for a nap.

Mostly Sunny

2010-08-21T15:19:00.003-05:00

So the weekend is here, finally.
10 year class reunion here I come.

I have to say, with the kid at grandma's house (and only minor problems there--Grandma had to take him to urgent care for a quick x-ray of a bruised foot/ankle bone...poor kid), and the husband golfing with an old high school buddy, I have nothing to do but stretch out in my bed and rest my eyes.

Or read a book.

Or dance around the house half-naked listening to early seventies music, flat ironing my hair, ironing my clothes, and putting on makeup.

What?

Don't pretend like you don't do it when given the rare opportunity.

Under the big top

2010-08-17T12:40:00.005-05:00

I spent yesterday driving halfway across the state with my grandmother. Perhaps the most interesting thing I learned yesterday is this:

My people are nomadic circus people. No Joke.

My Great-grandmother grew up in a traveling circus and her father used to be a tight rope walker.

This is so interesting I seriously couldn't have even made it up.

It also explains me and the funnel cake.

But I want it all

2010-08-12T12:29:00.004-05:00

As I was loosely following my daily routine today, I started thinking about passion. I wonder how many people actually do something they love on a daily basis. I also wonder how many people started out doing something they love and ended up somewhere else.

I must first say I love spending time at home with my son. He is a little ray of sunshine, and a blessing in my life.

This morning I started thinking about the few times within the last few months that I can recall a clear and abundant feeling of exhilaration with what I was doing
(of course excluding marital moments which isn't exactly the topic at hand here! ;)

The first is when I was doing simulation as charge nurse at school. That felt right.

The second was when I was driving home from an auction where I found some great deals and spent only $18. I went on a whim, spent the morning bidding, and every time I see the antique primary colored Pyrex mixing bowls I bought (among other things) sitting in the cupboard, it makes me smile.

Now, it is unclear to me whether the feeling of exhilaration from these activities is because I am meant to do them or because I am an adrenaline junkie. I have a tendency to believe it is the latter, because I also love roller coasters and scary movies and almost became a paramedic instead of a nurse.

The other time I feel my best is when I am baking. Anything. I would open a bakery if I thought I could actually make money doing it.

Is there some way to open a bakery/antique shop, have children, and work 3 shifts as a nurse on the side?

Do you love your job now? What would you do if money were no object?

The Scenic Route

2010-08-10T08:11:00.004-05:00

I was flat-ironing my hair this morning and wondering about my class reunion, which I briefly mentioned in my last post. It is causing me a lot of anxiety, even though I have seen pretty much all of the people who will be there at least once since I graduated from high school.

I think the most anxiety producing aspect of a reunion for me is making small talk. I've never been good at it. In a rare mood I can turn on the charm and be "on" for an hour or two. If I drink half of a fifth of vodka it can last slightly longer (that's 8 drinks for anyone interested). My husband is the one with the sparkle, and I am content to sit back and enjoy people watching.

I don't want to talk about my life much. A conversation isn't like a blog.

I don't have an hour to edit it.

I don't want to talk to my former cross-country teammate or the people who worked with me in the lunch line about how since high school both my parents have died, I have been pregnant 5 times, gotten married, been in school intermittently and haven't finished yet (nor will I for many years), my career goals, or retirement plans.

The only thing I feel is a safe topic is my wonderful child, and I definitely don't want to be one of those boring people who only want to talk about their kids.

But maybe I am.

How about politics, religion, or the economy?

Maybe I should pay a visit to the MSN wonderwall ?

I should not be wasting time thinking about this on a Tuesday morning.

As you may be able to tell productivity is my middle name these days.

2010-08-05T21:49:00.004-05:00

I think my husband may have been a carnie in a former life. He made me funnel cake tonight...mostly as an experiment because he knows about my complete obsession with funnel cake.

Something about the way the powdered sugar melts into the hot golden brown batter and oil of a funnel cake fresh out of the pan. Oh my.

I am beginning to think maybe my husband doesn't like to be able to feel my hip bones when he grabs my waist...because he has made me 3 fried dishes this week. Crab cakes, fish tacos (with homemade beer battered fried fish), and funnel cake.

Ten year class reunion here I come.

While he was standing over the hot oil, he turned around and found me standing at the kitchen counter, fried batter in hand, pajama top and face covered in a light dusting of powdered sugar.

Yes, that's me.

Sexy.

He encouraged me to eat another whole funnel cake but I told him about my rule about one funnel cake per year.

No really, it's my rule. So I dusted myself off and held my ground.

Then we had a rather lengthy discussion about how a funnel cake might taste when it is reheated-- and I pointed out that I don't think I've ever had a funnel cake last long enough to wonder if it tasted good reheated.

Really.

So now my carnie husband is boxing up the remaining funnel cakes to share with his coworkers on a work-related road trip tomorrow.

Do you think cold funnel cake tastes like doughnuts in the morning?

Out of the mouths of babes

2010-07-31T14:54:00.007-05:00

I spent the morning looking for a baptismal gift for my cousin (who is 10 and getting baptized tomorrow--we are the Godparents). While I was perusing the children's Bible section, I let Holden go play with one of those wire and wood toys that doctor's offices and random stores have sitting around to keep kids busy. When I was ready to leave, I picked him up and he threw a fit (which I should have seen coming).

Don't judge me. Instead of telling him no, paying and walking out with a screaming child as I should have done--I thought to myself...stickers! The kid loves stickers, so I used that to distract him. We found some Jesus stickers and bought them. I felt okay about it since I was going to start using stickers for potty training anyway.

As we left the store, I peeled off a Jesus sticker, handed it to him, and strapped him into his car seat on our way to HyVee to buy a cake frosted with a blue buttercream cross.

We got a few blocks away and I started listening to Holden, who carries his own "cell phone" in his car seat and has long phone conversations that usually consist of "Heyyyo?" and "Bye!". I glanced in the rearview mirror and my dear child had put the Jesus sticker on the earpiece of the phone and was holding it to his ear.

"What are you doing, Holden?" I asked.

Matter-of-factly he said,

"Talking (to) Jesus."

I'll Be Seeing You

2010-07-26T20:14:00.006-05:00

My 80 year old grandmother (my dad's mom) had 8 siblings. For as long as I can remember, during the last full weekend in July, I have attended the family reunion. It's been held at different locations throughout the years...but two things I have always been able to count on

1) good food
2) my dad being there with me

Of course the food was good this year. I even won the raffle prize (a CD player). My family was wonderful as always. But I have to admit I had to force myself to go. I'm glad I went--that we enjoyed the beautiful weather, talked to family and sang to my great-uncles' piano and guitar all night long.

I'll be seeing you
In all the old familiar places
That this heart of mine embraces
All day through.

In that small cafe;
The park across the way;
The children's carousel;
The chestnut trees;
The wishin' well.

I'll be seeing you
In every lovely summer's day;
In every thing that's light and gay.
I'll always think of you that way.

I'll find you
In the morning sun
And when the night is new.
I'll be looking at the moon,
But I'll be seeing you.

I got home from my time away from home and felt relieved, my home is as it should be--a sanctuary for my little family and me.

A soft place to land.

I think I say it all the time, but it can't hurt to say it again...I didn't know it was possible to feel so deeply. To have a sense of belonging so complete.

A place where joy and sorrow are equally shared.

2010-07-22T19:36:00.005-05:00

I was standing in the hall the other day while Holden was trying to carry his tricycle around me and not having much luck.

"Dooch bag." He said. I stood there with my mouth hanging open, trying not to laugh.

"What did you say honey?"

"Dooch bag!"

Tony looked at me. "Did he just say...?"

I laughed, "Say it one more time, Holden."

"Dooch bag!!"

"Oh!" Still laughing,

I scooched back. He smiled and hopped on his tricycle.

"Thank you mommy!"

2010-07-21T13:32:00.000-05:00

My hard drive crashed so I am offline for a couple weeks...will try to post soon anyway

When you came in, the air went out.

2010-07-16T13:40:00.005-05:00

I ate a whole bag of pretzel M & M's this week.

Have you tried them? They taste kind of like peanut M & M's only with less calories. How many less, I am not sure...but they are 180 calories per serving--which means I have been skipping eating other things (things that are good for me) to eat 600 calories worth of them this week.

When I found out they started making pretzel M & M's it is fairly safe to say I was elated. When I was younger I used to buy pretzels and 3 Musketeer's bars, take a bite of each and then wonder aloud why no one had ever made and marketed a similar product.

And now my dream has come true.

I am going to start going to the gym again this week. I am.

I have been passing the time during naptime looking up cheesy True Blood stuff on the internet, like character blogs and recaps...But I drew the line at going into the message boards. I have limits. Sort of.

I don't think I've loved a TV show this much since FRIENDS went off the air. It feels like an event to me every time it's on.

2010-07-15T13:16:00.005-05:00

I have a confession to make. In the four years I have lived here I have never--not even once--cleaned the oven in my house.

And no, it is not a self-cleaning oven.

There I said it, although it won't surprise any of you who have been my roommates. I had to go out and buy oven cleaner yesterday because while I was gone it appears as though my dear husband was cooking something that spilled over a ridiculous amount of sauce on the bottom of the stove and filled the house with smoke two days ago as I was trying to cook dinner.

To be quite honest, I don't even know how to clean a gas oven and am mildly concerned about
a) the pilot light being on and
b) the fumes from the Easy Off affecting my child, dogs, and cat.

I have set the can out in plain view on the kitchen counter so my husband will notice it (and he doesn't read my blog). I think it may end up somewhat like the shower cleaning standoff of 2010 (which I lost by the way--and I'm pretty sure my husband didn't even notice was happening).

I'm a good wife, eh? I did clean up the dog poop in the kennel yesterday so I gave myself a big pat on the back for that.

The other battle I am currently embroiled in is The Bedtime Battle, which may also be referred to as Please, Please, Please just sleep alone my angel faced child...sleep damn it! I'm not sure it is advisable to take on toilet training this week as well, especially since my dear child has had a bad case of diarrhea for the last three days.

I'm still considering it.

Like I told the doctor when we went in for Holden's 2 year appointment: The lack of toilet training has less to do with Holden's readiness than it does to do with Mommy's lack of initiative.

My dear son is napping (alone) at the moment and I am sitting my cool, quiet bedroom (brand new a/c and heating system!), and considering taking a nap myself or reading a Sookie Stackhouse book.

It's good to be home.

Choo! Choo!

2010-07-11T22:05:00.005-05:00

It looks like Holden was backing Nate up in a bar fight and the other guys won. (Nate: obvious injuries; Holden: fat lip from falling off a chair.)

Carson City train museum...

only caused a short temper tantrum while leaving--and then Holden fell asleep in his carseat on the way back to Nate's house. Overall totally worth the $4 we paid for the train ride and hour and a half inside the museum.

Too tired to write more. Going to watch The Next Food Network Star instead.

2010-07-11T00:20:00.004-05:00

I am staying at my brother's house sitting alone on his huge leather sectional and watching The Grand Ole Opry--which reminds me--when I was a child staying at my grandparent's house on the weekends they used to watch The Statler Brothers every Saturday night.

And sometimes I would get to stay up and watch Nick at Nite. We didn't have cable when I was younger so to me, this was a major treat. Although now it's hard to believe that watching I dream of Jeannie was a treat. But even now when I scroll through my hundreds of channels and see that show on--I always turn it on...if only for a minute.

Okay, so I'm wondering to myself...at what age should a woman cut her hair shorter, stop wearing bikinis, and stop getting tattoos? I know the Baby boomer generation would like to believe you're never too old for these things, but my husband and I are kind of old souls and I think there should be proper rules for such things. I'm also big on manners--mostly handwritten thank-yous and such.
Which, by the way...did you know you aren't required to write thank yous for funeral gifts?
I actually still have some thank yous from my dad's funeral and some other stuff sitting on my counter I should really send. So if you are one of the overlooked thank yous...I apologize.

Okay, so what age? I tried on a two piece suit earlier this summer and decided that after two c-sections it's just not the best idea.

Too...lumpy.

2010-07-10T01:09:00.004-05:00

All I can really say after a 7 hour flight from Omaha to Denver and a 2 hour flight from Denver to Reno...and taking care of a 2 year old for 72 hours alone (I know, how sad is it that I meltdown after only 72 hours?)...I am very tired.

I do have a theory that it is partly the altitude to blame, but I think it's mostly the two year old.

I'm feeling a little uninspired at the moment as far as blog-writing goes. I'm just enjoying seeing my older brother and sister-in-law and sitting on their shady deck in one of the best deck chairs ever, eating coconut cocadas (which I've never heard of before, but thinking of going to the store and buying enough to fill a huge box and sending it back to Nebraska) and trying to keep my kid from breaking things.

Just the last part takes up quite a bit of energy. The kid, not the cocadas.

Also, I walked into a gas station the other day--there is the possibility it may have been in a scarier area of town (after all, what is a tattoo shop if not in a run down building in a scary area of town? But don't worry, it was very clean.) and there were three guys sitting there playing slot machines.

In a gas station.

I mean really?

Who says, "Hey, I think I'm going to go get gas and play some slots."

But it was the middle of the day so I suspect they probably didn't have anywhere else to be...like at a job.