I wouldn't say I have ever been a fiery, emotional type of person except perhaps occasionally as a teenager.

I probably intellectualize more than I should and sometimes I think, believe less than I should.

A little bit too cautious, one of those people who detests gambling and day-trading. Heck, I am even hesitant about bonds and mutual funds although I know that is really the only way to benefit from compound interest...but I digress.

In school we did simulations where they have this insanely expensive mannekin (that is really how it is spelled) that can do all sorts of semi-realistic things like blink, and blood pressure and pulse and such.

The simulation director sits in a separate room watching you on camera and can talk as 'the patient' through a microphone. Following this experience we were forced to watch ourselves 'perform'. I have seen myself on camera acting (as in a musical or play) but never on camera as just myself.

I guess I always shrug it off when people tell me I seem so reserved. I didn't really believe them until I saw myself interacting as myself on camera. Am I really that quiet in real life? I seem so calm, when I am often feeling high-strung and anxious.

When I saw myself, my mannersims reminded me so much of my mom.

I seemed like a totally different person than I am in my head. In my head I have so many creative ideas and opinions and I began wondering why I speak so few words.

I don't feel insecure in groups, or about my thoughts or ideas...so what could it be that keeps me so buttoned up?

Maybe that is why I enjoy blogging so much, because I can tell you...the big YOU out there what I am thinking without having to verbally express it.

Saving the parts I am not ready to tell yet, and taking the time to say exactly what I mean.

Exactly who I am right now. Or who I perceive myself to be.