Saturday, February 28, 2009


After I dropped off my son at his Aunt and Uncle's house this evening at 4:30 p.m. in Omaha, I couldn't help but start to crave a strawberry margarita at Cheeseburger in Paradise. I obviously couldn't have one, but boy did it sound good. So instead I met WH at a Chinese restaurant and ate waaaay too much honey chicken for my own good. We are really looking forward to almost 48 hours of freedom! Since we didn't have our Valentine's day it is nice to have the break.

At the same time I miss my boy very much. I even made WH call his sister and check on Holden after only 4 hours. I had to force him to do it, he thought it was crazy.

Thursday, February 26, 2009


So I obviously have nothing better to do than write in my blog. I actually would be getting ready for bed but because of my (slight) OCD I have to take a shower before bed and when I turned on the water in the shower it was only warm. So now I have to run the dishwasher so that some of the water goes out of the hot water heater and new water comes in and gets really hot for the shower later. I think this process may take up to an hour, but WH doesn't get home from class for at least an hour and a half so it should work out well.
You should also know that I have a deep and abiding love for hotel showers because they never run out of hot water!

What I was thinking about as I was going through this process of turning on the shower and then loading the dishwasher was that no one in my life ever told me anything about actual life. Or perhaps I wasn't listening. I don't really know.
I mean really, my parents divorced so I didn't ever see a good marriage, except maybe my grandparents, but I'm not even sure about that. And after my Dad got remarried I still didn't see it because I was too busy disliking my stepmother (who now is a wonderful grandmother to my son). In all fairness she didn't like me either I don't think.

I don't recall having learned anything about money, or managing money.

I apparently don't know much about the history of our nation.

The bottom line I guess of all of this (although I know it's hard to decipher from the rambling) is how do two people who never had a role model from the same-sex parent figure out how to do the marriage and parenting thing? I think we are doing well with the marriage part but my concern is more for the parenting part.

The truth is I feel like I have no idea how to be a role model for a little girl. The only experience I have with a "normal" mother-daughter relationship is what I saw from my college roommates and their mothers. I was always a little jealous because their moms would take them shopping and send back homemade frozen dinners with them when they went to visit. Don't get me wrong, my mom tried sometimes but we never did anything that I would consider "normal" mother-daughter bonding.

I know WH's dad wasn't around when he was growing up and pretty much all of the time they spent together since he was 16 was in a bar.

I guess we just practice parenting on our kids and hope they aren't messed up?

The scary thing is I know plenty of parents who seem to be normal and reasonable and their kids ended up alcoholic, or non-Christians who are more interested in the latest i-phone than anything else and some that are so self absorbed that they can't have a healthy relationship (friendship included).

I know that raising a child in a Christian household with parents who love each other can do wonders. I also feel like there must be some other factor involved too. Teaching the child to choose for themselves the right thing? I want to know how to teach a child to question things and still have faith. WH and I both managed the questioning phase (it took a few years--I think mostly between ages 18-22). But I know some people (only a few now that I'm 27) that have never questioned their faith. Which I think is an important part of the process because if you don't question it then you're just doing what someone told you and I don't think that is authentic faith at all. And I also know a few who just let go of it without even trying to question it.

Not sure where I'm going with this. I guess these questions should be posed to an experienced parent or pastor. I'm not sure that even then I would have the answers I am looking for.

Like WH always says, "A hot shower will make you feel better."
He knows me so well.

I hate the USPS today

For the SECOND time in 3 months they lost a textbook I sent to an Amazon buyer. It would be fine except I have to do mountains of paperwork and won't recover the money I lost on the book because I insured it but for $10 less than I had to refund to the buyer. That was my own fault, but still. And also, it takes FOREVER to get the money from an insured package back.

So I'm cranky about it, and just thinking about it makes me crankier. How could they lose two in that short period of time? I'm convinced that someone is stealing them and reselling them. There is no other explanation because I know that my packing on both items was good.

I'm using UPS next time.

Coincidence is simply God choosing to remain anonymous.

Apparently I have one fan. She emailed me last night to tell me that I should post every day. To be honest, I'm not sure that my life is exciting enough to post everyday, so to those of who who may be reading this and are bored: I'm sorry.

An interesting thing did happen to me yesterday. I was having a hard time (as you can tell by my previous post) and was very cry-ee as WH likes to call it. Holden wouldn't stop crying and I just needed a break so I finally got him to calm down and decided that perhaps reading the bible would help me calm down too.

I usually try not to just randomly read, but yesterday I was pretty desperately searching for something that would soothe, so I turned to II Corinthians and was praying about how I needed some special help today because I was so down. I read one of my favorite passages and which helped me to relax and finish the rest of the afternoon without losing it.

Later that evening, we went to Ash Wednesday service at church. The first reading of the night (there were two) was the EXACT ONE I read that afternoon! Now, really the Ash Wednesday service doesn't have any particular reading attached to it aside from perhaps the gospel reading of Jesus in the desert but this was obviously the reading before the gospel reading. So there is no way I could have even unconsciously known that would be the reading last night.

Things like this happen to me quite often, actually. Just thought that was an interesting tidbit from my day yesterday. Oh and also I am so proud of WH!! Here is the link to his first published column!

I was the unofficial editor and obviously have a lot to learn about newspaper style editing. The paragraphs are too wordy and long, it needs to be broken up more...but that's the unofficial wife editor's fault (me). Not Nancy's fault (the real editor).

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Burning the candle at both ends

I am completely exhausted. Some may be due to pregnancy, some may be due to the last week and a half. I took the 2 hour drive on Tuesday this week to spend the night at my Dad's house because WH had sooo much homework and I knew he wouldn't be able to get it done with Holden, Me, and the dogs there (I took two of the dogs with me). I called my Dad on Tuesday morning and asked if Holden and I could come and stay for the night. My poor Dad was all worried that I was having marital problems, so then I had to spend like 20 minutes explaining why WH needed a break to do work and how I have a happy marriage.

So anyway, now that he's more rested I am more frazzled...because trying to keep track of Holden in a new environment is a lot of work. And my Dad let him eat dog food again. Yes, choking hazard I know, but apparently Dad doesn't take that as seriously as I do.

So now that I'm all frazzled I can't stop thinking about school and how in the world I'm going to get it done. Because I am hell bent on getting it done before my kids get into school. Or before they even remember me not having a degree. I'm not sure why I think it's so important, because realistically, the degree I get isn't really going to get me much of a job, but it's better to have one than not have one, and I also think it's important for my children to see that their parents got through college.

So I have 50 credit hours left and 4 years to finish. That doesn't sound hard at all, especially since it's all online. I could finish in 1 1/2 years full time (but I won't go full time). I think part of the way I'm feeling is pressure from his family. They seriously act like it's crazy for me to want to stay home and God forbid I don't have a degree. I guess they think I will be doomed to a life of poverty? His mom especially feels that way, but she has been divorced twice and was a single mother for many years so I can see where her concern is coming from. At the funeral last week a family friend actually said to me, "So you're staying home." And it wasn't in a nice way. I could hate my job, but I better have that degree to prove I'm worth something in the world.

That is frustrating. Especially since I love staying home with my boy so much. And WH loves for me to stay home with Holden too. And I know what a disadvantage I will have when I do go back to find a job. I will be in my 30's going against kids who have no responsibilities and lots of time to spend on their jobs. I will have sacrificed a lot careerwise, but I really do think it's better to stay home with the little ones.

Gosh, this being a mother is much harder than I had imagined. Let's not even get into how you feel like you start to lose your identity when you have children (that is another post for another day). However frazzled I may sound, I know that I have been richly blessed and lucky to get to choose what I do.

I think I just need a nap. Things always look better after a nap.

Monday, February 23, 2009


It's been awhile since I wrote, Wonderful Husband's Uncle died last Monday so the week was REALLY long and the funeral was on Friday. We tried to recover all weekend and took a LOT of long naps. I feel fine, I didn't really know him that well--it was more the 24/7 alone with a 10 month old that got to me, since WH was in Omaha with his family most of the week.
I hate funerals, especially ones with open caskets so I was just glad it was over. Not that I know anyone who actually likes funerals, but some can handle them better than others. Also, I had heard that it's bad luck for a preggo to go to a funeral. Although I felt that little girl move for the first time today so she must be doing well!
In other mommy news, Holden started clapping yesterday. He still hates drinking from a cup, and is showing no desire to strike out on his own walking (holding onto furniture will do just fine, thank you). But he knows how to clap.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009


It is slowly but surely occurring to me that I can't babyproof my house. I can get the little wall plugs and the cabinet locks and anchor things to the wall, but still, my child finds something he is not supposed to be doing. I have to sit on the floor in the living room for hours a day playing with him because I can't leave him alone. He will find a cord, or the cat's tail, or get all up in the dogs face (which makes me very uncomfortable and thinking of sending all the dogs to live outside). I guess when my Dad was watching him last weekend he was trying to eat the dog food. I don't ever let him in the kitchen so I've never had that problem. He will also bump his head and cry (we have laminate wood floors so it's a little too hard to be falling and hitting your head).
He tends to fall more when he is in need of a nap though...sometimes that's how I gauge if he is ready to take a nap--he will stand up and then fall down several times. Poor kid. Sometimes I wish we had carpet and it would be easier on all of us. Well, except me because carpet with three dogs and a cat would be a nightmare.
I need suggestions, because I have the biggest pile of laundry you've ever seen downstairs, and a bathtub that needs a good scrubbing. I guess I should just get the drill out and put the cabinet locks on in the kitchen and bathroom, but right now there is sweet silence and free time because my little man is asleep in the other room. I'm not sure using the drill is the best idea.

Monday, February 16, 2009

My boy

As I said a couple posts ago: Holden now knows how to take off his pants. In my future I see a little naked boy tearing around the house and refusing to put clothing on. He is already trying to figure out his diaper....

Here is the pic that I couldn't get to work the other day.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Valentine's Day

We had fabulous Valentine's Day plans...but they didn't exactly work out as planned. We had a chance to check into our hotel (my dad was watching Holden for the night) and we went to dinner at Rib Ranch (I know, romantic...but hey...I wanted ribs) and we had time to go down to the coffee shop and get some hot apple cider (it's delicious at The Mill in Lincoln). When we got back to the hotel room about 7:30 the phone started ringing. I was just about to light a fire in our fireplace when Wonderful Husband's aunt calls to say that his uncle is in the hospital.

We found out last week that he has lung and throat cancer and it's most likely advanced, although I don't know all the details because for some reason we never get all the details. So he is in ICU on a ventilator and unresponsive. They don't know how long he was without oxygen because I believe he had pretty severe pulmonary edema from a ruptured blood vessel in his lung(s). I'm just guessing this because as I said, I don't get enough details usually.

So...Tony's aunt couldn't get a hold of anybody except him on Valentine's day since everyone was out doing things. But luckily he was able to contact his sister who lives in Omaha so she could go to the hospital to check on things. But Tony then felt like it was necessary to go pick up his Grandma from central Nebraska so she could get to the hospital as fast as possible.

He drops me off at home and goes to Grand Island to pick her up. And then on the way the check engine light goes on in the car. So I had to go meet them and change cars and drive back home at about 1 am. It was quite the Valentine's Day. And no one got much sleep.

Tony and his family are still at the hospital (I am home with Holden). I think they need lots of prayers tonight. And some sleep hopefully too.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

It's a....

GIRL! We had an ultrasound yesterday (which is still early 15 weeks) but the tech said she's 90-95% sure it's a girl! I'm excited, but way more nervous about a girl than I was about Holden. Being a parent is a huge responsibility either way, but it feels like even more of a responsibility when you are the same-sex parent because that's where baby learns how to be...well, a girl in this case.
We're struggling with names though because with Holden's name we both loved it from the start. But we can't find any names that we both love. Actually I can't find a name I love, let alone us agreeing on a name we both like.

I can't tell if I have the winter blahs or it's just being pregnant but I'm having a mighty hard time leaving the house. It just takes so much energy for me to do anything. I'm pretty sure it's being pregnant though. I need to get groceries today but I'm struggling with not wanting to leave. I should enjoy the day though because it's supposed to snow 4-12 inches tomorrow.

Yesterday Holden learned how to take off his pants. I ran downstairs to switch the laundry and when I came back up, there he was in the pack 'n' play with his pants off (thank goodness he hasn't figured out his diaper yet). I have pictures but am having technical difficulty with them at the moment. I will post them when I get a chance.

Friday, February 6, 2009

Pregnancy & Marriage

I was (am) really bored today. Tony is taking his nephew to a hockey game and Holden is asleep. Nothing has been on TV all night and I just finished the book I was reading. And I play with Holden all day, so nothing new there really.

When I am bored, I usually surf the internet. After going to all my usual sites I ended up at which has a lot of good articles to read on marriage, family, and christianity. I was reading some of the marriage articles and thinking to myself that I don't give my husband nearly enough credit. He is such a good husband and I shamefully admit that I am a huge complainer about pretty much everything.
So here it is, the list of reasons I have no reason to complain (pregnancy version):

-Since the early weeks of my pregnancy he has offered every night to take care of Holden. Holden stopped waking up so much at night so that helps, but on bad nights he still wakes up once or twice.
-Every night he lays with me in bed and talks with me for at least an hour
-Even though he has no time with school and work he tries to fix little things around the house
-Any time I ask for some time alone he lets me go and do whatever I want
-He usually indulges me when I want to order pizza, even if it is more than once a week.
-He reads a devotional with me every night and prays with me
-He lets me sleep in on the weekends even though he (almost) never gets to
-He reminds me that we have church choir when I forget
-He makes me wonderful omelets when I am too tired or nauseous to cook
-He gives Holden a bath most nights

There are so many more reasons...I am apparently a spoiled wife. I just thought a note of appreciation was in order (even if he doesn't read it--maybe I should send him the link).

The Yellow Worm at the Park

Yesterday and today it was so nice outside we took Holden to the park. He loved the swings and the yellow worm.

I am looking forward to Valentines day next week since we got a babysitter/dogsitter (my dad) to come for the night. We usually don't do much for Valentine's Day as I see it as just a commercial holiday, but his wife (my stepmother) doesn't celebrate holidays so I thought it was the perfect time to get away for a night. I don't think we have had a weekend away together alone since last summer, and 7 months is just too long! I've always had a hard time understanding why many of my friends with kids don't go and do something alone with their spouse more often. Although I do understand that moms who breastfeed really can't until the baby is weaned. But for some reason a lot of them still don't take any time for themselves as a couple. I think it is really important since one of the best gifts you can give your children is a strong and happy marriage (although I know you can have a strong and happy marriage without going away for the weekend, it is nice to have time alone to connect).

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Heavy Heart

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."
~Edmund Burke

I have a moral dilemma. I don't even know if it is technically a moral dilemma but it feels like one. I have a relative with two children. One has special needs and is very hard to handle, and the other has special needs emotionally only because of the way he has been raised, in a very unstable environment.

Background: Relative got married, had two kids in two years. Has never had a job really, and his wife left him when the kids were like 2 & 3. Fast forward...Relative got remarried to someone who has a lot of kids all of whom are in juvie or jail. Now they are in the process of getting divorced. I might also add that Relative is an alcoholic who is also possibly (and likely) on drugs. This person is verbally and mentally abusive to kid #1 (not the special needs kid).

All of these things have come to a head in the last few weeks and the police have been called several times as well as social services (not by me though). So I am wondering...what do you do? We don't have the resources to take in one kid, let alone two and one with disabilities. But they don't belong with this relative any more so how do we get social services to see that before something terrible happens to them? Oh, and now Relative is 'on the run' because he thinks everyone is trying to take his kids away from him (which is true but he is way paranoid and I'm pretty sure that's from the drugs).

The one kid's life is being ruined and I don't know how to help him. He could be a good and productive member of society if just given the chance to live in a normal environment (I believe). I feel like the poor kid is falling through the cracks.
My heart is heavy today.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Happy Groundhog Day!

My socks don't match today. This is a big deal to me...not such a big deal that I will go all the way downstairs to the laundry room to get some that match (if there even are any) but just that I will let it bug me until I forget about it. And then when I take my socks off later it will bother me again. I know, I'm weird. I guess at least I found two short socks. Better than one short and one long.

But haven't you ever had days, weeks, months, years, where you felt like you just can't get your s*** together? I feel like that now. It is quite possibly being pregnant and having an almost 10 month old that does it, I'm not sure. All I know is I don't know how you ladies who work and have children do it. Seriously.

You know those people's houses you walk into and go "Don't these people ever clean?" Admit it, you do it too. I am one of those people right now. I even disgust myself. But only enough to do the bare minimum like vacuum, mop, do dishes, and some laundry daily. Anything above and beyond that is just not happening. I think not feeling well has a lot to do with it, because usually my house is relatively clean. I just feel guiltier about it now because I am staying at home--for some reason thinking that gives me more time (and it really doesn't give me that much extra time). I guess my job is technically to take care of and play with my son and that takes up a lot of my time. But really if I spent less time messing around on the internet I could probably get the laundry done.

I guess for awhile my husband will just have to fend for himself, since it seems to be all I can do to have clean dishes and clothing for Holden. I think part of the problem is that all the baby stuff is in our small living room upstairs (our house is only 1000 sq. feet). If we were to finish the basement I could put all kid stuff downstairs and shut the door. That would be so nice.

I hope the movie Groundhog Day is on tonight. I love Bill Murray.
(Photo of Punxsutawney Phil from


I absolutely should be sleeping, just thought I would post some of my Kevin Costner pics. I also have a great story about how my friend got hooked up with a cameraman from Dreamworks because he is traveling with Kevin in the same bus! He has a dreamy New Zealand accent and we met him while standing in line at Wal-Mart.

So now he is emailing her everyday and we know exactly where Kevin is all the time. Pretty funny. Yes, I say "Kevin" like he is my drinking buddy. This could not be further from the truth.