Tuesday, April 26, 2011

If you thought I was going to write about Easter you'd be right.

However, it's more to tell you about my trip to the E.R. (felt like an idiot--but had to go...).
I woke up at 7 ish with a migraine. I said woe is me I don't get to watch Holden find eggs etc., etc., then asked Tony to put some blankets over my windows so it wasn't quite so painful.

3 hours later my son and husband were in Lincoln at Easter and I woke up again in so much pain I was crying and very nearly throwing up. I had already taken aspirin so I knew the only thing I could really do was get to the hospital and get an antiemetic and a pain pill. But I really, really didn't want to go. Especially for a migraine.

Anyway, I am fine. A liter of fluid, zofran, phenergan, and norco and although I'm not a totally new person I am able to open my eyes and walk around. Which is more than I can say for Sunday.

We bought a house. I'm graduating next week. Tony is graduating in two weeks. Holden turned 3 last week. I've been missing Ally and my dad for two years now. Our adoption meeting is May 9th.

I. am. tired.

That is all I have for now because my child is still awake and I have to go get him to sleep.

Saturday, April 23, 2011


I know it's been awhile, but just trying to get through the last week of classes!

Thursday, April 14, 2011

A clean, well lighted place

"You do not understand. This is a clean and pleasant cafe. It is well lighted. The light is very good and also, now there are shadows of the leaves."

I was watching part of jeopardy today (because I was sick and lying in my recliner) and I forget the final jeopardy question, but the answer was Hemingway. My favorite writing of Hemingway's was A clean, well lighted place and thus the quote.

I knew I would graduate eventually, but everytime I think about it I remember that neither of my parents will be there to see it. I don't even want a graduation party because I have so little family that will be able to come.

I am extra sensitive because Ally's birthday is next week and then three days after my graduation is the day my mom died. I can go the entire year feeling really good about things, and very little residual grief about these things, but the end of April is always always a rough time for me.
I don't need cheering up, I know that things are going really well for me right now. Good family, good job(s), graduation, etc. I guess maybe now that short period of grief is just a part of me, and that is okay.
I guess sometimes you just have to say, "No, I am not okay. But I will be."

Monday, April 11, 2011

I painted all weekend while my dear husband and mother-in-law put in new countertops in our kitchen and bathroom. They look so great I almost don't want to move. Almost.

Above is a picture of my child in the 60 degree weather with a piece of drywall using it as chalk. Because it kind of is, and I couldn't convince him not to.

I found the cutest spring shoes last week for $13.00 and here is what they look like:


Thursday, April 7, 2011

Have hit The Wall.

Less than one month to go and I can barely keep my eyes open. It's like that last 200 meters of a 3200 race. Unless you've run a 3200 meter race, you don't know what I'm talking about. But just trust me, it sucks.

I promise that someday I will be available again for all my friends and family who I have virtually abandoned. I will just tell you that I feel guilty but am too tired to do anything about it except write a few hundred short words on here and go to bed.

I haven't even sent out graduation invitations. But you're all invited, if you want to come.

Will write a more cohesive, informative post later.

Monday, April 4, 2011

3 posts in one day must be a record

I forgot to tell you! We have our first adoption meeting in May. We are very excited, even though it is a very long process.

And we found a house we love. We haven't made an offer yet though.
I started crying in the results meeting for Holden's assessment with OT, PT, speech therapy, and the school counselor...along with two other people who were somewhat official but I don't know their exact roles. Or names.

As it turns out there is nothing wrong with my dear son per say. Apparently they seem to think his lack of sleeping for three years straight is directly related to my inability to parent. Of course they beat around the bush more thoroughly by telling me that he is well above his age in speech, motor development and is a very sociable child.

Yes. I knew that, thanks.

They went on to tell me there is nothing they can do to help me with his hyperactivity and that perhaps I should seek a pediatric counselor. Or perhaps,
"Go with him to counseling and they can teach you how to deal with him."

"Have you tried a regular schedule? Music at night? Covering the windows? His babysitter says he doesn't have a problem with bright lights at her house...He seems to only have these problems with you."

Yes. Because I am his mother and I am around him all the time. I am not making these things up and spending hours having you people come into my house for fun. It is out of desperation.

So as I am crying during the meeting the school counselor says,

"You seem overwhelmed."

You think? Seems like we're back at square one.

Maybe if I play lullabye music at night...
I handed my son a circus peanut in the car on the way home today and a few minutes later I heard him say,

"I'm saving it for later."

I glanced back and he was tucking it into his sock.