I bought my son a small box set of railroad tracks today to go with the self-propelled engine he already has chugging across the floor most days. When I got home and set it up for him I realized the set I bought is only partial. Which means it looks like three sides of a rounded square with one side missing, rendering the mini-train unable to make a full loop.

As I sit here and watch my dear son race from side to side trying to keep the train from derailing on each end of the track and turning it the opposite direction, I identify with his struggle. That is how I feel most days. Like I'm running maniacally trying to keep things from derailing.

Of course I'm aware that everything won't go wrong if I stop working so hard. Although still slightly narcissistic, I do have a good understanding of my effect (and lack of effect) on certain things.

But when I stop and rest for a little while, and say...watch a four year old episode of Oprah in a house with no working air-conditioning, with a looming 90 degree day tomorrow and about 16 loads of laundry sitting at the bottom of the basement stairs (which by the way smells like dog pee and needs to be cleaned but I'm too debilitated by my knee to do the up and down work of cleaning the basement) , and a child and three dogs and a cat who all really really need some attention, and a test and presentation tomorrow that I have not prepared for...I really begin to wonder if it is possible to get a true vacation once you become a mother and wife.

I know, you think I'm being too dramatic. Just go to Wal-Mart and buy your kid the damn $10 kit to finish the train tracks, you say. Call the A/C guy and have the $4000 system installed on an easy payment plan. It's not that hard to do laundry, and instead of resting on the weekend, clean your basement. Also, you can go to the pool with your kid in the afternoon, take your dogs on a walk, and then spend all night studying. None of it sounds all that difficult, really, when you put it that way.

I started a new migraine medication that is intermittently making me feel wonderful (no headaches!) and like a zombie (I keep leaving the bathroom sink running--odd.). It's only the third day so I haven't decided yet whether the good effects outweigh the strange ones. (Feeling stoned. All day.)

By the way, I turned Oprah off. Going to do laundry.

And book a hotel for our San Diego trip. ;)