Feels like home to me

I was thinking about the song "I'll be home for Christmas" because we have an impending ice storm/blizzard this week. Which means we may not make it to my DH's family Christmas. And while the family Christmas is wonderful and warm and cozy and very Norman Rockwell (except with more booze--don't tell them I said that). I'd like to say it's home to me, but it's not.

I have spent the last 4 years in this house. I love this house. But it is probably best described as a starter home, 1000 square feet with two bedrooms and one bath--one that we can't over improve because if we do we will lose money selling it. So while I love this house, it's hard to spend money on it and make it feel like home because I know if we sell it in a couple of years all of it will be for naught.

This year I have a fake Christmas tree with white lights and no ornaments because I don't want to have to yell at Holden all day long about messing with them. It was looking a little forlorn, so I have been tucking all the Christmas cards we receive into the branches to make is more festive. There are no presents under the tree, they are all stacked in a corner in my bedroom where Holden can't get to them. This isn't exactly the cozy, homey Christmas I had envisioned. The coziest thing I have this year is a Christmas DVD/CD that plays music and a video of a crackling yule log (fire). It actually looks pretty cool on the flat screen TV next to the Christmas tree.

My dad's birthday is/was December 24th. Yes, Christmas eve. So if we can even get to the family Christmases I wonder how it will be, the first year without him there. It's also the first Christmas without Ally--she would be 5 months old this Christmas if she was alive. I told my dear husband that this year I just feel unmoored.

I'm losing my train of thought here, and obviously lacking the focus to wrap this up as usual. I seem to have lost my blogging edge (if ever I had it). I will try to post again before Christmas. Something more clever and less sad. I'll work on it.

Merry Christmas to you all. Be careful if you're traveling! And doesn't http://www.landsend.com/pp/SolidCottonRobe~188821_59.html?bcc=y&action=order_more&sku_0=::ICK&CM_MERCH=IDX_00002__0000000210&origin=indexlook like the perfect Christmas robe? Maybe my husband should buy it for me (hint, hint) (actually I don't think he ever reads this so I will have to direct him to this post).