One of my oldest and dearest friends visited me today. She spent the afternoon with me catching up and playing with my sweet son. She told me about a new man in her life, with that sparkle that you know means she'll most likely marry him. I am so happy for her, because she has waited so long and so faithfully for that kind of love.

While she was here we started talking about my dad. She asked me a few questions and then fell silent. She let me talk for a few minutes and then said nothing more. She is one of my favorite people to be around because she knows when there is nothing to say.

Tonight I am alone in the house, except for my sweet boy sleeping in the other room (who I finally broke of the pacifier habit!).
All I can think about tonight is Allison.
I had planned for her to be born tomorrow, July 31. Her due date was August 5, 2009 but I was going to have a scheduled c-section the Friday before.
I have been sitting here since Holden went to sleep wanting to get out the picture box full of Ally's things but I just can't. I don't think I could put it away if I got it out right now. I wish I wasn't alone and awake.

I don't need to hear any platitudes about how it was God's plan for her to be with Him. I don't need to hear anything, except my sweet newborn Allison crying. I never heard her cry, just myself crying in her absence. My soul aches.