More Halloween fun to come...I promise I will post soon!

So today my child broke a flat screen TV. It gets worse: The TV wasn't ours!

I have a gracious friend/babysitter who didn't freak out (at least not to us) about it, but we're still obviously buying them a new TV.

I'm not really sure what to say to Holden about the TV incident. I don't think he really understood that when he hit the TV, it would break.

So it was an unpleasant surprise for all.

I've just been reminding him that we don't ever touch the TV with anything.
And that I know he didn't mean to break it on purpose but we have to be careful.

The poor kid couldn't stop talking about it when he was supposed to be going to sleep.
I want him to feel a little guilty but not to lose sleep over it!

It's only a few (ouch) hundred dollars.

I don't have much to say except this:

Pumpkin Gooey Butter Cake.

Meditations

I am reading a tiny book called 'Mothers' Manual' given to me by a friend of my mother-in-law when I was in the hospital after I had Allison. She had lost a 5 year old son years before and sent me a book of prayer & meditation. I found it the other day while I was looking through the box of Ally's things.



(a few of the meditations in the back of the prayer book)



"Cheerfulness and self-control on my part...These may mean much to the emotional well-being and proper development of my child."



"My home...It is highly important that I endeavor to make it an attractive, cheerful place for my husband and my children."



"My husband's job of providing and managing family affairs may be vexing and worrisome. The home as an attractive place when he returns from work...My readiness to share his concerns...Words of encouragement--and of praise at times...The tenderness of understanding and wifely affection when he is worried or discouraged."



It would be easy to write some of these off,



"The attractiveness of my person--even inside the home...In the morning--before my husband leaves for work...a nourishing breakfast according to his preferences? My appearance in serving it...attractive? And cheerful? When my husband returns from work, an attractive, pleasant appearance on my part can mean much."



But for some reason I really became unsettled about all this. Because maybe I am more conservative/traditional than I thought. I can see a ring of truth to this. Perhaps it needs to be slightly modified for modern day...but I see it.



Maybe the shift in society from these traditional ideas (and certainly I wasn't raised this way--both parents worked and were exhausted when we were all together) has a lot to do with the dwindling family unit. I'm obviously not a sociologist. I don't spend much time thinking about it, aside from the Focus on the Family newsletters I occasionally get in my inbox.


But I'm starting to think maybe I have missed something. Something big.

Even as a stay-at-home mother I wasn't (am not) putting enough value on it within my own life.

I guess I've just never read a job description quite like this before.

Joy is steadfast in sorrow.

One year ago today

Today I spent the day alone. I shopped, ate, and drove in the beautiful weather.
I started thinking about last year at this time.

As it has in the past, it occurred to me just how closely God walked with me through last year. There is no way I would have been able to do any of it on my own. I was thinking about how I used to drive to the hospital 4-6 days a week with an 18 month old, attend school/clinical 3 days a week, take care of my child, house and dogs, and about my husband working full-time and going to school full-time. I got to thinking about the people who helped us through it--who are still helping us through.
I am so blessed.

I know by now I shouldn't be surprised at the Lord's faithfulness, but sometimes I still am.

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

5/8ths of the way done! Only a semester and a half left...

After I finished my final this morning I drove about 300 miles picking up and distributing 640 lbs. of frozen beef.

I think I pulled a muscle.

The good news is I have 80 lbs. of assorted beef products in my freezer. However, I have a problem with meat products that are in their original form (you know how sometimes if you order fried catfish they just dip the whole thing in the fryer--head and all? That sort of thing).

I just realized how often this happens to me: Shrimp, or nearly any seafood. Even when fish skins are left on it bothers me. Chicken can sometimes do it--the wings and drumsticks. And TURKEY!!

I prefer eating turkey sandwiches the day after Thanksgiving.

I could do without the whole bird in the oven thing.

Not that any of those has actually stopped me from eating a meal. Except the catfish thing, I really couldn't eat the catfish.

My 300 mile trip today was mostly on an empty highway through farm ground and everywhere I looked the farmers were harvesting corn. It was 70 degrees and sunny. I love fall.

October Love

I am thisclose to being done with (what I think will be) the most difficult part of school for this year. Final on Wednesday. Woo Hoo!

Today I went in to see my hairdresser and said,

"I want it dark."

She raised her eyebrows,

"How dark?"

I smiled,

"Halloween dark."

She started laughing,

"Did you say halloween dark?"

See? I do have a sense of humor...sometimes.

So I was sitting in her chair with foil in my hair trying to read Elle Decor (which is pretty good by the way) with techno music blaring in the background, and all of a sudden Whitney Houston's version of I will always love you comes on as a music video.

So I'm thinking, that's weird--techno to Whitney Houston and all of a sudden it turns into a techno mix.

It was as bad as you can imagine.

You are the best thing that's ever been mine

My entire life I have never had a hobby. First I was too busy with sports, and then too busy with school, and then Holden came along and I was too busy for anything.

But now that he is a little older I have found something I love to do. I don't know if it came from my parents or if it's something I would have loved to do anyway.

When I was a kid, our family vacations consisted of driving across the country to antique stores and auctions looking for antiques. I don't like the same kind of antiques they did, but I certainly love going to auctions. It's the perfect hobby for someone who is cheap and loves vintage (read: old stuff. And as a bonus, nearly every farm auction I attend has Pyrex glassware which is my favorite thing to find (and use!).

Holden and I went to one yesterday and found some cool rectangular shaped ones (right side of picture).

Red Rum

I'm not sure how I always find myself in creepy hotels...but I forgot to tell you that last weekend it happened again.

Let me paint you a picture:
Industrial Area
Kansas City, MO.
We walk into the hotel and everything seems okay at first. The furnishings are an ultra modern style but obviously dated (maybe 1990's?). The paintings on the wall are modern and vaguely disconcerting for some reason I can't quite put my finger on.

We check in.

We walk around the corner to the elevator and I start to feel unsettled. There is no one in this hotel. I mean literally no one.

The hallways felt very much like The Shining.

Of course, we were there with friends for a football game the next day so the other two couples we were with were staying on the same floor (6th floor).

We get in the elevator. It doesn't really work properly, which I wasn't terribly concerned about but things still just seem off.

We unlock our room and it is sort of nice, although the bathroom seems like it was remodeled with scraps. It was odd, but at least it was clean with no evidence of bedbugs.
We went down to the lounge to have drinks and found what were perhaps the only other guests in the hotel--a group of about 6 people. One of whom had a nice mullet.

Went back to our room. It was very, very quiet--which was actually a nice change from most hotels I have stayed in. I was feeling okay about the whole situation, until we got up the next morning to check out and have the continental breakfast.

The desk attendant let us know that breakfast was served at 7 a.m. and waved toward a long hallway. We wandered quite a ways down a deserted hallway, past a closed restaurant (which was actually physically dusty, chairs on tables, dark, etc.) into a small room where they had set up a coffee machine and strangely enough...an omelet station with a "chef" taking orders.

I eschewed breakfast and coffee and started back down the winding hallway to the car. On the way I couldn't help but peek into the ballroom of the 'convention center' where it was dark--but I could see messy, overturned tables. At that point I had that somewhat familiar gut feeling that I should get the hell out of there.

Turned, and walked out the door.

I honestly don't have any particular complaint about the place. Just a strange uneasiness when I think about it.

Next time we're staying at the Plaza.

An acquaintance, having a short conversation with me, says,

"So when are you going to have another one?" Gesturing to my dear son.

Although I feel like they punched me in the gut, I smile and say lightly (and vaguely),

"We're not sure yet. Maybe when Holden is a little older."

When what I'd really like to say is this:

"I just had a kid last year. A kid that you don't see here because she is dead."

How do you think they would respond to that? *awkward silence*

On that light note, I will say I am at the point of considering trying to get pregnant again.

I said considering. I'm certainly not announcing anything--there is such a long leap from considering to trying. Based upon the beginning of this post, perhaps I'm not quite ready.

Maybe someday, when Holden is a little older.