Half-Baked

"Marriage is a long walk two people take together. Sometimes the
terrain is very interesting, sometimes rather dull. At times the walk is
arduous, for both persons or for one. Sometimes the conversation is
lively; at other times, there is not much to say. The travelers do not
know exactly where they are going, nor when they will arrive." --Kathleen
and Thomas Hart

I am reading a fantastic book called Sacred Marriage. I think it's just about perfect for a couple in their fifth year of marriage. The fifth year is a point where you are no longer really newlyweds. When I was a newlywed I used to get cranky at married people who would roll their eyes and my dear husband and I mooning over each other in public. Now I feel that more relaxed, easy rhythm of someone who has been married longer than a few minutes. But along with the time come not only positive things, but negative as well. Unhealthy ways of arguing, just wanting to tune out and not have to TRY so hard. Sometimes this marriage thing is really hard work--and I won't lie--sometimes I miss the newlywed days when it wasn't such hard work because of all those happy hormones (and a lot more sleep of course).

But I love now that what we have is deeper and stronger than it was before. That our lives are so mingled together I wouldn't even think of trying to disentangle them. That I feel so comfortable around his family now I feel like it's my family. That all we need is a look to know what the other one is thinking.
Today in church we heard someone talking about the "foyer" and he nudged me because a couple of weeks ago we were wondering in a quite long discussion about what that area of the church was called (i.e. the Narthex, the Foyer, the Entryway, the Hallway, etc.). Little things like that. I love that he doesn't mind when I look at boring web pages about retirement funds, knows that I can appreciate Michael Jackson's music without actually liking it much, and he allows my quirks like brushing my teeth, flossing, then brushing my teeth again (OCD much?).
I like that as much as I look forward to time alone with him, he doesn't mind when I tell him I just need to be ALONE. It makes me appreciate even more when we get a weekend alone together and can hold hands and walk on a Saturday morning through the farmer's market or leisurely lie around in bed together.

"In fact, some experts suggest it takes from nine to fourteen years for a
couple to truly "create and form it's being." When I hear of couples
who break up after just three or four years, I feel sad because they haven't
even begun to experience what being married is really like. It's sort
of like climbing halfway up a mountain but never getting to see the sights;
you're in the middle of the task, your soul is consumed with the struggle,
but it's much too soon to experience the full rewards. Evaluating your
marriage so soon is like trying to eat a cake that's half-baked. Becoming one--in the deepest, most intimate sense--takes time. It's a journey that never really
ends, but it takes at least the span of a decade for the sense of intimacy to
really display itself in the marriage relationship." --Gary Thomas, Sacred Marriage