First day of school

Am I late? Did the alarm not go off? I woke up at 5 a.m. on Thursday. I had to be out the door by 6:40. The dogs get excited every morning when I wake up, ready to go outside. Their little toes loudly click on the floor--mocking me tiptoeing around trying not to wake Holden up in my 917 square foot house with the loud echo of their excitement on the laminate floor. I really have to get them to the vet to get those clipped. I am so tired.

From the other room I hear a wail. Holden awake at 5 a.m.? This could be a long day.

It seems like I'm always muttering obscenities under my breath (and sometimes quite loudly--luckily I have no neighbors) at the dogs--because of my large Siberian husky mix I have to go outside with the dogs in the dark cool morning and wait until he is done so I can get him inside or he will dig under the fence and run. I know from experience I can't just leave him one time because it generally ends up disastrous. Usually it involves me in my pajamas with wet hair and a kid in a footie sleeper racing around town futilely before I end up in tears calling my husband to come and help me find the damn dog. I don't use words that nice though.

Holden didn't blessedly fall back asleep as I had hoped he might, so I got him set up with a nice breakfast of scrambled eggs and milk and pulled his high chair into the hall so I could shower. I was feeling extra chipper on Thursday for some reason and didn't wake Tony up to do all those things for Holden so I could get ready.

Things were going swimmingly. Or as swimmingly as one can reasonably expect. It was 6:39 a.m. on Thursday. All I had to do was pick Holden up and walk out to the car--everything was loaded and ready to go. He was the only missing link. Oh, his sippy cup--I better grab him one.

I set him down in the kitchen, turned around to grab his cup and he ran toward the hallway. It will just be a second.* Famous last words of the mother of a one year old.

"Holden?" No sound.

"Holden?" I start walking out of the kitchen. (Door slams shut).

My pace quickens through the hallway to the bathroom door. I check the handle,

LOCKED! How did it get locked? I never lock it!!! And the way to open it is almost stripped and difficult to get open. And the toilet seat is up. Shit!"

Panic rising to my throat I run to the kitchen, grab a knife, desperately trying to get the tiny lock open, yelling, "Holden!"

Silence.

"Holden! Come to the door and talk to Mommy!"

Silence.

Those were the longest few seconds of my life so far.

I start banging on the door and dialing the phone to ask Tony what I can use to get the door open. He laughs when I tell him what happened. I start getting hysterical because I'm imagining the news article about my baby drowning in the toilet. And I can't get in through the window because the air conditioner is still in that window. He tells me to bend a fork, I desperately work the lock. Nothing. Frantically I'm yelling at the phone sitting on the floor on speakerphone,

"Which way do I turn the lock to open it? Which way?"

"Counterclockwise I think. I don't know." Tony says, then becomes quiet as I quickly explain to him that the toilet is open and I can't hear Holden. Holden won't answer me.

"What do you mean you don't know? Is it counterclockwise or not?"

Finally I hear Holden's little voice happily babbling behind the door.

"Holden stay here at the door with Mommy." I start crying and keep working on the doorknob. Holden starts crying when he hears my panicked voice on the other side of the door. Tony is on speakerphone and tells me he is coming home, just as I hear the click of the lock opening.

Thank God.

*Note to self:

Self,

It will never 'just be a second'. You should know better. Put a new doorknob on, lock the toilet, and maybe consider smoking a cigarette even though you don't smoke and haven't since you were a drunk 20 year old. No, because the next day you always felt like crap. And it makes your skin look bad. I can't believe you're 27 already, start taking better care of your skin for goodness sake!

Hugs & Kisses,

Me