Saturday

I had a good day today, my wonderful husband spent the day talking to one of his friends about drywalling our basement and took care of our son while I went and got my hair done. Finally. I literally hadn't had it cut since September and I had split ends on my split ends. Unfortunately, I couldn't get highlights since I'm barely out of the 1st tri. and very conservative when it comes to dyeing my hair while preggo. But I got a good cut, found a shirt I loved on sale for $5 at Shopko, and overall just had a good time by myself.

Today I got to thinking about Holden's first birthday, mostly because I would like to finish the basement before he turns 1 so we can have a party and actually fit some of our family in our house. I'm having trouble deciding what kind of carpet to get and leaning toward thick carpeting with lots of padding. I know it will probably be expensive but my grandma has this stuff in her house and I loooooove it. I'm not sure what exactly you're supposed to do at a first birthday party since the guest of honor doesn't really know what's going on anyway. I probably won't even make him a cake, he'll just get a cupcake. It's still 2 1/2 months away so I guess I have time to figure it out.

I think it's about time for me to read a little bit of my trashy Nora Roberts book and my new copy of Redbook before wonderful husband gets tired of watching Holden.

My Bucket List

I had a great day today. I met Kevin Costner, which was on my list of things to do before I die. I was disappointed last year because my all-time favorite actor, Paul Newman died before I had a chance to meet him (however unlikely that may sound). And Kevin is my second favorite and was also on the list, so yay!
My friend Beth has a similar crush on Kevin Costner which we both realized we shared when we were college roommates. So when she called me today and told me that he was in Omaha signing autographs I said "I'll be there". Yes, I took my baby to Wal-Mart, stood in line for an hour and a half, and then had a 30 second conversation with Kevin. It was awesome. I will post pics when I get them from Beth.

In other news my wonderful husband is trying to get me to buy a goat. To eat. I am not sold on this idea and don't really think it's necessary to eat goat. I'm going to have to figure out a way to get him to forget about it, but I think it will be difficult. During a 15 min. MSN conversation he tried to get me to buy 1/4 of a cow, a whole goat and a whole pig--in order to process the meat and store in a deep freeze we haven't even purchased yet. It was an interesting conversation. I told him I would think about it.

Scratch 'n' Sniff

I noticed the strangest thing yesterday as I was opening my new toothbrush. On the package it says that it is a scratch 'n' sniff toothbrush. Why would I want to scratch 'n' sniff a toothbrush? I am posting a picture for proof.

So now I have to discuss a couple more controversial things than my scratch 'n' sniff toothbrush. What do you think of caffeine and pregnancy? I did a research paper on it and there was one study that linked consumption of more than 300 mg. a day to miscarriage. Luckily for me, when I am pregnant I have no desire to drink soda. I will admit that I drink tea every day, but not very much and certainly not 300 mg. worth. Still not sure what I think of the study anyway because they didn't use a good control group (separate smokers from non-smokers).

Another question I have is what you think about hair dye/bleach and pregnancy? I normally get highlights from time to time and when I was pregnant with Holden I didn't get any the whole time. I felt horrible because I didn't feel like I looked good (and I still hate looking at hospital pictures because of my hair!). I am considering highlighting my hair just once this time for a wedding I have to go to in July (so I would be 8 months pregnant at the time). I obviously have several months to ponder this but I want to look good (or as good as possible) in hospital pictures this time...and at the wedding of course. I know, how shallow am I? I do think when you look good and take care of yourself you feel better though.

Just one more thing I was thinking about and wondering. All the moms in my playgroup and lots of other ones I know love scrapbooking. My playgroup even had a scrapbooking day this week. I did not attend. I hate scrapbooking. I just can't get into it, and I am a relatively creative person. I feel like I spend all my time and energy on my family and the last thing I want to do when I have a few hours off is scrapbook about my family. Perhaps it's selfish but I prefer to hide out at Barnes and Noble, read and drink nonfat caramel macchiatos (I don't drink these while preggo) until I come home and wonderful husband smells my hair and asks me why I smell like coffee.

Gerber Graduates

I'm not sure how exactly to start my boy on solids. He is 9 months and a week old and I keep thinking that maybe I should be starting to give him something a little more solid than baby food. We have given him a few bites here and there, and even today when I went to Wal-Mart I bought him some litte rice puffs gerber graduates. I even tried one to be sure that they were soft enough. They claim to "melt in the mouth" and they sort of do. So I gave Holden one and he loved it. But I didn't like it so much because I had to sit there and monitor every chew, and every breath. Maybe I'm too paranoid--I'm not sure. I think he is ready to start solids more than I am ready for him to start them. That will probably be the way it is with most things as he grows up though.

Pregnancy emotion

Pregnancy is a strange thing. The hormones that go along with it are powerful, and you never quite realize how much so until you experience it.
Something you may or may not know about me is that my mother killed herself on mother's day 2004. She overdosed on prescription meds. The last time I saw her was taking her out to lunch on mother's day at Lazlos (she loved that place), and the last thing I said to her was 'I love you'. Which is good, because at least that is a good way to part.
I don't divulge that information a lot, not because I am ashamed of her/it, but to avoid sounding like Phoebe on FRIENDS. It almost sounds like a joke. But it was so real. So Mother's day isn't a very happy day for me, although it has become exponentially better since I had my sweet Holden.
I don't really know what got me thinking about it tonight, I guess since I am the only one awake at the moment and I got to thinking about being a mother. I don't know if I've ever told anyone but Tony this, but the night that she died I had a nightmare in the middle of the night and felt like I was suffocating. I woke up crying, and Tony had to hold me until I fell back asleep.
The strange thing was, the dream occurred at approximately the same time she was dying. That is the only time I have ever had a dream like that. Sometimes I think that it happened because of the mother/child connection. Do you think that is possible?
I don't really get depressed about it anymore, or cry much, or think about it much. Only at important times when I really wish she was here to see my wedding or her grandchild. Or times when I want to call her or have lunch with her or go thrift store shopping with her, but know that I can't. She loved babies so much she would have loved to see my sweet Holden, and soon to be another baby. She loved me so much too, I just wish she would have stayed to be with me through all this. I miss her right now.

Freedom

We have been living without consumer debt for the last 3 years. By that I mean that we only owe a small mortgage on our house (no car payments or credit cards or student loans, etc.).
On a daily basis it is actually pretty easy...the budgeting, etc. We have everything we need and some things we want. But when it comes to big things it is not always quite as easy.
Like wanting a new car. I certainly understand that payments could be made for 5 or 6 years, it's just hard for me to imagine having to pay $250 or $300 a month on a car. We did that for 5 months after we got married (wonderful husband had a car payment at the time) and I hated it more than words can express. When we got married I also had a credit card, and for some reason used it...and also hated it more than anything. I hated getting the bill in the mail every month and paying the bill. I don't think I ever really left a balance on the card, but it was still something I hated. But I would like a new car. I guess patience is a virtue.

It's a funny thing though, now that we have been doing this for 3 years. I don't feel like I need anything. Or want anything. I used to shop for fun but now I don't even want to shop because I can't think of anything to buy. I will admit, at the change of seasons I sometimes want to buy some new clothes. But even then it's only a few things and in the budget. I've been wanting to get out of the house and be by myself and I used to go shopping on my "day off"--but now I can't think of one thing that I really want to buy. I have had my birthday cash sitting in my wallet for the last month and have nothing to spend it on. I even went to the store intending to buy a couple lamps with my birthday money and walked out without buying them.

I'm not sure if this shift in view is due to the "no debt" lifestyle or due to having a child. I can't really tell. I guess I'm starting to understand my Dad better because when I was growing up he never wanted anything. Ever. He occasionally bought new professional clothing because it was necessary, but other than that never really bought anything except groceries. I could not understand his thinking until recently.
I feel blessed to have everything I need, and most things that I want. And more importantly to have my wonderful family.

The payoff

The most wonderful thing happened yesterday. I had been at work all day. I walked in the front door after work and my sweet child was playing across the room. He looked up and smiled like he normally does when I talk to him, but this time he started crawling quickly across the room to come and see me.

He has never done that before. I felt like the most important person in the world.

Gone With the Wind

My grandma gave me a copy of Gone with the wind a couple months ago. It is a beautiful hardback copy that she has kept since 1964. Despite the fact that I am an avid reader I have never read Gone With the Wind, although I have always meant to.

This copy of the book is so nice that it makes you want to sit on a deep porch in a hammock or chaise on a sunny day in the spring and read for the entire day (if you're inclined to such things). Unfortunately I have neither a porch nor a hammock, and usually the entire day is spent with a baby at home or running errands (which is a blessing but doesn't lend itself to getting much reading done).

When I was in college I used to go to the park, spread out a king size blanket, lay in the sun (or shade) and read my homework. I often imagine that some day in the future I will be able to go to the park, spread out a blanket, lay in the sun and read for pleasure. Of course right now it is too cold and I don't have the day off, but one can dream.

The Walnut Blondie

This morning at 5 a.m. my wonderful husband gave me a hug and said, "So we're having another one?"



My child would not sleep last night. I am tending to think it was the maple topping that wonderful husband and grandmother (in-law) were feeding my angelic child. You know that maple butter stuff that you pour over the walnut blondie at Applebees? It was that stuff. I saw disaster in the future but decided in the interest of good in-law and marital relations that I keep my mouth shut. It was either the maple or else he is teething. I can't tell.



Luckily for me (at least for half the night), Wonderful Husband took care of my boy. At about 3 a.m I woke up and at that time the hubby handed me my (awake) child. It was nice of him considering he had to be up at 5 to get to work on time. We ended up getting a little bit of sleep I guess, but the little guy had to sleep with me which I don't like.



All this left me wondering to myself between 5 and 6 this morning laying in the dark...how am I possibly going to A.) Get him to sleep in his own bed every single night (and morning) and B.) How am I going to take his pacifier away from him before age 1?



After that sleepless night due to the maple guess what I am doing? Eating waffles. With maple syrup. But don't worry, my little man isn't getting any.

How much do you owe in back taxes?

Speaking of taxes (my segue into this post from the last), can you believe our soon-to-be treasury secretary owed a bunch of money in back taxes and never paid until Obama's transition people brought it to his attention? Don't you think that maybe that's a sign he shouldn't be in charge of ALL of OUR MONEY? Someone who can't keep track of his own money should be in charge of ours. Wow, just wow.

Ok, off my soapbox. This isn't meant to be a political blog at all. In reality, I don't have much time to do good political research and I don't watch or listen to any political stuff so the only info I get is from the yahoo or MSNBC headlines & stories. Perhaps I am not as fully informed as I should be. That is my disclaimer.

So I'm officially 12 weeks pregnant today! Yea! I've been wondering how exactly mothers get out of the house with more than one child. I know it's possible and people do it all the time but I have enough trouble just getting Holden and myself ready to go. So what will happen when I have a newborn and 15 month old Holden? Makes me nervous. But I know someone who has 4 kids under 4 and seems to go out all the time. It's obviously possible. Perhaps not that fun, but possible.

Dream Home

Every day I register for the HGTV dream home giveaway. Every year I do this the entire month of January. Not because I think I will win but see it as sort of a free lottery since I don't ever play the real lottery. Anyway, I was thinking if I were to win this 2.5 million dollar prize, how would I pay for the taxes, etc. on the home? I know I couldn't afford the taxes on a million dollar home in Sonoma, California (I also wouldn't want to live in California). Maybe just sell it?

But in a down market I could have trouble selling it.

So it would become more of a liability than an asset because what am I going to do with all that furniture when I sell it? My house now is only 1000 square feet so wouldn't I have to sell it furnished? And who wants to buy a furnished house anyway? And I would owe lots of tax money to the county. Would I also owe capital gains? I would have to look into that. These are all questions that come to mind every time I log on to the page to register to win.

But I still hope that I win, however unlikely that may be.

Ode to a chicken sandwich

As I said yesterday, I have been sick. My sweet and wonderful husband had a couple meetings on Sunday afternoon and since I knew I would be unable to properly care for myself, let alone a 9 month old (He’s 9 months today!) I begged and pleaded for him to call my MIL so that perhaps she could watch Holden for the 5-8 hours Tony would be gone. And she said yes!

Sweet freedom! Even though I was sick. My plan was essentially to drink tons of water and vegetate on the couch watching HGTV. As it turns out, it got even better because as I was eating sun chips and looking online at the tv listings I realized that there was a 3 hour marathon of the show Paranormal State on A&E. WooHoo! So I laid on the couch for the entire 3 hours.

But I have digressed greatly from the reason I got on here to write in the first place. My strong craving for a chicken salad sandwich. It has been this way for over a week. All I want is some Mrs. Gerry’s chicken salad like you can buy at the store. And I would like to spread it over a bagel or perhaps some toasted bread. Alas, I cannot have my wonderful chicken salad until the end of July because of the risk of listeria. I’m not sure how I am going to make it through.

Also, still soooo sick. It is not going away.

Here is where I copied the picture from: http://farm1.static.flickr.com/207/481384880_b1da3ae32c_o.jpg

So....sick...

So right as I'm getting over my morning sickness I get the (respiratory) flu. This is the worst I have felt in years. It started last Monday and there is no end in the foreseeable future. This is a picture of my kitchen table (seriously it has looked like this for the last two days). I think it gives a good visual description of how I feel since there's no way I'm putting a picture of myself on here. At least Holden is feeling better and now it's just me that is sick.

Oprah was so right. This one is for the ladies.

Ok, as a rule I never and I mean never upload pictures of myself to the internet that are not good pictures like the top one posted here. I figure the image I project may as well be a good one since I have control over it. However, for the sake of science and possibly another woman's sanity I will do it just this once.

The story begins years ago (ok technically only 3 1/2 years ago) after Tony and I first got married. We didn't get pregnant for almost a year the first time we tried, and right before I found out I was pregnant the first time I went to my doctor to have my thyroid checked because I was absolutely certain that something was wrong with it.

So anyway, the doctor's office tells me that my thyroid is fine, like 4.6 or something. Now if you don't know anything about thyroid levels (TSH) the normal range is from about 0.5 to 5.0 but endocrinologists consider anything over about 3 to be hypothyroid or "subclinical hypothyroidism". So anyway, what I didn't know at the time is that if the thyroid is high, it can cause infertility, miscarriage, and stillbirth in addition to many other symptoms, including fatigue & weight gain.

Ok, so back to my current story. A small number of women have problems with their thyroid after giving birth, and apparently I am one of them. I am posting a picture from Sept. 08 and a picture from Dec. 08 (the top pic is from December, the bottom pic is from Sept.) to show exactly what happened. I started feeling crappy about October and knew that the thyroid could be an issue. I still had a sneaking suspicion that I have always had transient thyroid problems but finally (thank goodness) have a doctor who listens!

From mid-September until October I gained 8 lbs. You better believe I was thinking holy @#$! I haven't been doing anything different why am I gaining so much weight so fast? (And I wasn't preggo or anything at the time). So I went to my doc and sure enough the levels were above 4 again.

The fascinating thing about it all was that I called my OB's office to see what my thyroid levels were when I was preggo with Holden and it was at 1.8. So as it turns out I was probably right the very first time I went to the doctor years ago and he told me it was normal. No wonder I had trouble getting pregnant at that time (and ended up having a miscarriage a couple months later).

Now I am on medication and Baby and I are both fine. So ladies, if you feel it in your gut, don't ignore it. And have your thyroid checked if you are postpartum or just feeling crappy or gaining weight for no reason.

And the Lord sent me a Cadillac...

No, seriously. It all started last Saturday when my Dad stopped by briefly to drop off Holden's baptism outfit. He had just bought a new car and he was telling us about how he bought it from some old guy who went into the nursing home and had only driven it a little bit so it only had 20,000 miles on it after 5 years. It was a little expensive but in great shape and low miles so a great deal.

As you may or may not know, we have been casually looking for a car for the past couple months, so that really made me want to find a car. Well, that night I actually prayed to God that we would find a similar deal only more in our price range. I asked for an older person who hadn't driven their luxury car that much and at a price we could afford. I don't normally do that...pray for things that I want, but I figured it couldn't hurt to ask this time.

So the very next day, as we were driving home from Holden's baptism about a half mile from our house we see a Cadillac with a for sale sign in the front window. Tony stopped to look at it and the owner was asking $3500 for it. It is in great shape and decent mileage. Turns out, it was some old guy with lots of money who was looking to get rid of his Cadillac that he had bought new and didn't drive that much. Blue book on it was $5500. So as we were discussing the car, I told Tony about my Saturday night prayer, laughed and said "I prayed for a car and the Lord sent me a Cadillac!"

We bought it yesterday.

The big announcement

We are very excited to announce that we are expecting a baby at the end of July. Yes, that's right, 15 months apart...we are going to be so busy! The new little person is doing very well and his/her mama is almost over her morning sickness. Woo Hoo! For approximately the last 6 weeks I haven't been able to eat meat because it makes me sick. Hoping that I can eat chicken again soon. I'm posting a pic of the new little one and of course his/her older brother's reaction to the news.

Oh baby!

I will just start by saying I have a long and somewhat traumatic history with pregnancy and so I am one of the most nervous first trimester mommies ever. I went to my appointment this week thinking I would be relieved to finally hear the heartbeat by doppler. I have technically already had 4 ultrasounds and seen the heartbeat twice, so you'd think that would make me feel better. But no.
It has been 3 weeks since I've seen that little baby and there is still reason to believe that perhaps we will not get to meet the little one in July (thyroid issues, progesterone issues, multiple loss issues). So at my appointment on Monday the doc says he's not even going to try the doppler (which is okay, I'd rather not panic if I can't hear it since it's early still at 11 weeks). Then he goes on to tell me that unfortunately there is not an ultrasound tech in the office today so I will have to wait until the end of the week or next week to get in! So I have an ultrasound tomorrow and I'm freaking out a little bit.
I suppose it's good that at least I'm getting an ultrasound. Whenever I go in for an appointment the nurses are like, "Your blood pressure seems a little high. Is there any reason it would be high?"
Let's see...I'm carting around a car seat that weighs like 50 lbs. up to your office, I'm exhausted and queasy, and worried that this baby is not going to make it and the doctor is about to be poking around in my lady business and you're wondering why my blood pressure is high?

Ok, I'll admit I may be a little cranky. It's because of my blood pressure I think.

First Words

My son Holden started babbling about a month ago. I of course was helping him practice "ma-ma" so that he could say my name first. To be fair, I also practice "da-da" with him but really say mama more so it was not really surprising that his first babble was ma-ma. It took him two days to figure out how to move his lips the right way, and most of those two days he spent looking like a little old man with no teeth (he still has no teeth at 9 months!). I was triumphant when he finally said the syllables.
My triumph was short lived. Now the only time he says it is when he is crying or whining. So every time he gets upset it sounds like he is crying "Mama". Cute, but not exactly what I had in mind.
On a different note, our whole household has been sick for over a week which I attribute to flying since we went to visit my brother in Reno. This is the first time my baby has been sick since he was born--which would be fine if I wasn't sick as well. So there are two miserable, snotty babies in the house today and one of them is me.