Pregnancy emotion

Pregnancy is a strange thing. The hormones that go along with it are powerful, and you never quite realize how much so until you experience it.
Something you may or may not know about me is that my mother killed herself on mother's day 2004. She overdosed on prescription meds. The last time I saw her was taking her out to lunch on mother's day at Lazlos (she loved that place), and the last thing I said to her was 'I love you'. Which is good, because at least that is a good way to part.
I don't divulge that information a lot, not because I am ashamed of her/it, but to avoid sounding like Phoebe on FRIENDS. It almost sounds like a joke. But it was so real. So Mother's day isn't a very happy day for me, although it has become exponentially better since I had my sweet Holden.
I don't really know what got me thinking about it tonight, I guess since I am the only one awake at the moment and I got to thinking about being a mother. I don't know if I've ever told anyone but Tony this, but the night that she died I had a nightmare in the middle of the night and felt like I was suffocating. I woke up crying, and Tony had to hold me until I fell back asleep.
The strange thing was, the dream occurred at approximately the same time she was dying. That is the only time I have ever had a dream like that. Sometimes I think that it happened because of the mother/child connection. Do you think that is possible?
I don't really get depressed about it anymore, or cry much, or think about it much. Only at important times when I really wish she was here to see my wedding or her grandchild. Or times when I want to call her or have lunch with her or go thrift store shopping with her, but know that I can't. She loved babies so much she would have loved to see my sweet Holden, and soon to be another baby. She loved me so much too, I just wish she would have stayed to be with me through all this. I miss her right now.